Language Barrier
by iLiKeChEeSeAnDcOoKiEs
Summary: When a normal, English girl gets sucked into the Akatsuki Base, it's bad for her. But when she can't speak Japanese and that's all they speak, she's in for a world of terror. AkatsukixOC
1. Wet Television

**A/N: I got this story idea in my head and I just couldn't let it go! Do not worry though, for I shall continue the old one!**

**Deidara: Great. Just wonderful. Another **_**whole story**_** with this nut! :(**

**A/N: Awwwww! You know you love me Dei! *smiles***

**Deidara: *coughs and blushes* Uh, well...**

**A/N: Just kidding! :D**

**Deidara: *feigning annoyance***

**A/N: So tell me if I shall continue or not! NOW! OR I SHALL DUCKTAPE YOU ALL!**

"It's official! I H. A. T. E. my boss!" I happen to be complaining to no one in particular as I sat alone in my tiny living room. But what's a girl to do when she wants to complain yet no one's around? Not complain? Yeah right!

Allow me to introduce myself.

I am Jade Hennings. Currently I'm also a waitress with perv of a boss who likes to hit on girls who happen to be thirty years younger than him, creating the kind of horrible mood I'm currently in. (In case you missed the hint, I'm usually his target.) Yeah, he's like, sixty-five (I got that by counting his age lines, most accurate way ever), and I'm twenty-two! Age difference! It might be slightly less creepy if there was at least an obvious reason for it. I don't even have much to be perved over! That isn't modesty either, it's fact. I'm just a plain redhead with untamable curls and jade-colored green eyes (thus the name Jade), and signature redhead pale skin. Ok, maybe that doesn't equal plain, but it certainly doesn't equal gorgeous, trust me! And why like me when I work with _her_? If beauty was personified, it would no doubt be my co-worker. _She _has dark mahogany waves for hair, complimented by perfect gray eyes in a fair, but not china doll like mine, face. And to boot, she has the perfect figure whereas I'm rod thin, nearly absent of any curves.

I huffed out a frustrated breath at all the thoughts about work, before slowly letting out a sigh from my nostrils to calm myself.

_Ok Jade, just forget about him, just forget about work. Just forget by watching some mind numbing Naruto. Yesss, Naruto._

I sluggishly heaved myself up from the couch I had just collapsed on after storming in from work, gradually getting more energy and less annoyance as I approached what I like to call the Closet of Naruto. This closet so happens to be filled to the brim with Naruto DVD's that spilled over their shelves, packed to the point of bursting. It's my own personal heaven. I pulled one out at random and shoved it into my DVD player, knowing that no matter which one I picked I'd be content. Then I promptly collapsed back onto the couch in my former heap and grabbed the remote, pushing the tiny green play button.

I lazily watched as the always epic opening theme led to a scene in a cave. It didn't look familiar, which is odd, because I've seen all these episodes at least fifty-trillion times. I leaned forward, interest caught, straining to remember which episode this could be, when the screen suddenly froze up. I scowled at TV, chucking one of the couch pillows at it, which sadly had no effect.

_Stupid old piece of junk! _

I got up and stomped over to the TV, completely ready to kick it, when I heard the sound. It was a slow dripping that slightly echoed. Although strange, that wasn't exactly the weird part. The weird part is that I saw the source of the dripping coming from the TV. Small droplets of water were coming from the screen and rolling to the floor or… Were they going _inside _the TV?

More confused than nervous at this point, I cautiously inched my way towards the TV, my wide jade eyes watching the water drip down onto the neat, uncluttered little stand my TV rested on. Slowly, almost being drawn forward, I leaned closer to the screen, until I was close enough that I could see the individual lights making up the picture.

Mesmerized by the TV, I slowly raised my hand to touch the screen, the source of all the water. However, the moment my finger brushed the cool glass, I felt a tugging sensation. Well, if tugging is the equivalent of nearly ripping my arm out of its socket.

I gasped, quickly waking from my daze as I was torn _through the screen!_

_I do not remember this being in the instruction manual when I bought the TV!_

I slipped through the chilled glass with an odd sensation similar to that of jumping into a pool of water, and then I was plummeting straight into the cave.

I swear I didn't scream. It was a tough shout of surprise... Okay, I screamed.

Then my back connected painfully with a hard rock floor. I sat still, stunned by the impact for a moment, before gasping and starting at the sound of a somehow familiar voice.

"Dare ga anata o sa re, dono yō ni anata ga koko ni kuru nodesu ka?" The voice that had spoken was dark, and I could practically feel the power seeping from it. But somehow, though I certainly didn't know anyone who spoke like that, or in whatever language that was for that matter, familiarity was tingling the back of my mind.

Eager to figure out who was speaking and where I was, I stood up quickly and faced the owner of the voice, and I swear my eyes nearly popped out of my face. I was staring at Itachi Uchiha. _The_ Itachi Uchiha! Complete with sharingan eyes and everything!

My first thought was I was staring at an intense, very realistic cosplayer, but then three thoughts flitted through my mind. One, why would a cosplayer be in a cave? Two, I'm pretty sure a cosplayer wouldn't be so calm if a girl fell from the ceiling. And three, I don't think the contacts cosplayers use can swirl like that!

"Itachi?" My voice went pale with shock.

His eyes narrowed dangerously after I spoke, and he questioned me in a strange language again, his words becoming absolutely deadly.

"Dōshite shi~tsu teru no ka?" What language was he speaking?

The language suddenly clicked in my mind in Japanese, and through my shock it vaguely registered that it made perfect sense for Itachi to be speaking Japanese. After all, Naruto did originate in Japan.

"Shitsumon ni kotaete, on'nanoko." This time his voice took on an even sharper tone and I could see him shift ever so slightly under his cloak.

I began to panic, realizing very clearly that not responding to an S-ranked criminal was not something you did if you had any desire to live. Sweat began to pool on my brow, and I scrambled for a sort of response while at the same time watching him for any movement.

"I-I'm sorry! I would do whatever you want, but I don't understand your language!" Hey, what else was I supposed to do?

Itachi narrowed his eyes and stared at me as though I was speaking gibberish (which to him I probably was), before pulling out a katana from within his cloak. Normally I would be squealing to see Itachi in person, but all of the sudden I was acutely aware of how dangerous this man before me was. I gulped and stumbled back as he approached me, so quickly that he was a blur to my eyes. I flinched back and closed my eyes as I realized that the katana was rapidly approaching and screamed the first thing that came to my mind.

"I wish I had a shield!" Then I got a surprise.

I felt a sudden weight in my arms and heard the clang of metal on metal. I pried open my eyes and nearly fell over in shock from what I saw, although that may have also been from how strong Itachi's strike was. In my arms was a shield, the kind you'd see in medieval movies, and positioned right in the middle of it, creating a huge dent, was Itachi's sword. He slowly ripped his blade from the metal, tugging my shield from my slackened grip in the process, all the while giving me an intense stare that pinned me to the spot and caused my heart to take on the pace of a rabbit's and my breath to catch in my throat.

Before I could even begin breathing again, I was held by my throat against the wall, my feet dangling uselessly above the ground.

"Nani ga atta ka?" Anger was laced throughout his voice now, and he was staring straight into my eyes, his face still expressionless.

"I'm sorry! But I really don't know what you're saying!" My brows moved together in frustration as I choked out words through his grip on my throat.

Itachi gazed into my eyes for another long minute while I grew more and more oxygen deprived, his gaze deep and penetrating.

Then the tomoes in his sharingan spun, and all went black.

**A/N: *munching on random snack***

**Deidara: What **_**are**_** you eating?**

**A/N: Cookie and cheese samich.**

**Deidara: **_**What?**_

**A/N: *sighs* It's cheddar cheese between two chocolate chip cookies.**

**Deidara: That's gross!**

**A/N: Have you ever tried it?**

**Deidara: Well, no. But- *cut off***

**A/N: *Shoves cookie and cheese samich into his mouth***

**Deidara: *Chews slow and swallows* That... was actually pretty good.**

**A/N: Told ya so! Well until next time my devoted fans!**


	2. Cheezits

**A/N: Shhh! I'm hiding from Deidara! Ever since I gave him that cookie and cheese samich, he's been hounding me everywhere for more.**

**Kakuzu: I can't see why. They seem disgusting.**

**A/N: Have you ever tried one?**

**Kakuzu: No but-**

**A/N: Shoves one in his mouth***

**Kakuzu: *chews slowly and swallows* Holy heck! Those are fricken good! *passes one out to all of the Akatsuki***

**Everyone: *chews slowly and swallows* More. Must have more.**

**A/N: See what I mean. **

**Pein: *grabs my arms* More. Give me more NOW!**

**A/N: *faints from being touched by one of fav. characters***

I dazedly heard the murmur of voices when I awoke. Of course I couldn't make out a thing they were saying bacause it was all in that gibberish language some prefer to call Japanese.

"Nē, watashi wa kanojo ga me o samasu kotoda to omou!" This voice was excited and more childish than Itachi's... It was also right infront of my face!

I snapped my eyes open, immediatly coming out of my daze, and was greeted by the sight of blue and blond.

I scream- I mean, I gave a tough shout of suprise and scrambled backwards. Well, tried to. Turns out my arms were tied behind me on a wooden chair that I sat upon, and that my legs were each tied to a leg of the chair in front of me.

This caused my lurch backwards to land me with my back to the floor and my legs suspended into the air, crushing my arms and once again winded upon impact. Luckily my head didn't hit the floor, that would've been messy.

I heard the cause of all this laughing at my expense. I looked up to see none other than Deidara. Yes, the blond psychopath bomber.

"Oh my god. Deidara of the Akatsuki." Instantly his laughter stopped and I was pulled back upright by some one behind me.

So apparently Deidara didn't like me knowing his name because he got right into my face again.

"Doko de sono jōhō o shutoku suru nodesu ka?" This time his voice wasn't happy.

I lurched backwards again, only this time on purpose, and one of the legs hit him in the chin. Now it was his turn to lurch backwards. Wrong move on my part.

I was lifted back up by the mysterious person behind me again and my bonds were cut by Deidara, not that it really mattered, they could still grab me in an instant. I was shoved forward by him with my arms flailing, and just before I made rough contact with the ground for the third time, one of Deidara's hands wrenched me backwards by one arm, resulting in alot of pain on my part.

"Ouch." This seemed to be the universal sign of pain, because he gave self satisfied smirk before shoving me back in the chair, this time without bonds.

" Watashi-tachi to omocha shinaide, on'nanoko wa watashi-tachi wa asonde wa arimasen." There came Itachi with his gibberish again. But the threat was clearly implied.

I gave a good look around for the first time and was greeted by the sight of all the Akatsuki giving me glares and threatening looks. Not good. No.

"Kono shōjo wa mojidōri doko karatomo naku, chakura no dai kibona bāsuto ni mo kakawarazu, kanojo wa akiraka ni minkan-jin ga arawareta., Kanojo dakedenaku, jibun jishin o ninshiki genkyū shinai yō ni dakedenaku, deidara mita dake de, korera no jijitsu dake de kanojo o hoshō suru jūbun'na yō ni ga, kanojo wa mata, akatsuki ni genkyū shita. Sore dakede wa nai jūbun ni tatte iru baai wa, kanojo wa mata, kūki ga usuku watashi wa kanojo o torinozoku shiyou to shitakara jiko bōei kikō o chōtatsu." My head started to spin from all of the words I didn't understand.

"Kore wa akiraka ni kanojo wa watashi-tachi ga mono no aidea o motte, korera no jijitsu karadashi, yori kanojo wa ue lets shōsaina jōhō o hitsuyō ga arimasu. Shika shi, watashi-tachi wa kanojo o korosu mae ni, watashi wa kanojo ga kara buki o chōtatsu happened no demo o sanshō shitai Nani mo arimasen. Sore wa watashi-tachi no gen'in ni yakudatsu kamo shirenai." This time it was Pein, the leader, who spoke, his mysterious eyes trained on my face.

Those ringed deathtraps caused my hear to pound, and I was hoping desperatly that they couldn't hear.

"Hai." Oh, I know what that means. It means yes. (Yay for me :D)

I didn't feel quite so happy though when Itachi pulled out the katana again.

He stepped towards me with all the grace of a predator, but was going slow and making deliberate steps. Steps that I could track. It hit me with sudden realization that he wanted me to be able to counter the same way I had earlier, with the shield. But, I'm not quite sure how that happened. I mean, it was fairly obvious that it was because of the whole I wish thing,but what if I had a limited amount to doing that? What if it didn't work at all anymore?

I didn't have a chance to worry anymore before he was right all I could see was him and that sword swinging down to meet my neck.

"I wish I had a shield!" I felt the wieght in my arms again and heard the clang of metal.

I heard the murmur of voices start again, but I didn't bother to listen anymore. I wouldn't of understood anyways, and I was to deep in thought.

If I could get a shield from a wish, what else could I get? Anything I suppose. The possibilities are endless. But I want to test it out.

"I wish I had some Cheddar Jack Cheezits." Hey, I'm hungry.

Instantly they were in my hands. Literally. I had the Cheezits in my hands, no box. I guess I have to be specific.

That's when I noticed the voices had stopped. I glanced up to meet several eyes that had both curiosity and hostility in them.

"Kakuzu, kanojo wa anata to shukuhaku kanōdesu." Pein seemed to send out a command.

Slowly Kakuzu stepped forward. He eyed me warily for a moment with his odd luminous green eyes with the supposed-to-be white area around the iris tinged pink, before he roughly grabbed my arm, no doubt leaving bruises.

Kakuzu then dragged me down several of the passages in the cave, and within minutes we were in front of a door. I smelt a horrible stench of blood emanating from the room like death itself was in there. For a moment I feared that this was some sort of dungeon full of tormented people. He pulled the door open and shoved me in without any warning.. He then proceeded to follow me in himself.

I glanced around. In the room there were two beds, each king sized. Next to one of the bed was a small desk, and that was all that was on that side of the room. The other side though, was where the horrible stench was emanating from. It was drenched in blood, and there were weapons and torture devices hanging from the walls. And on the ceiling of the room straight above the bed on this side, was the symbol of Jashin.

It was then I realized that this was Hidan and Kakuzu's shared room.

**A/N: You know what I just realized? I have made Itachi knock out my oc in each of the first chapters in both of my stories! Crazy stuff that.**

**Deidara: More! MORE!**

**A/N: Ah yes, I have locked all of the Akatsuki in cages and chained them up... Of course, the chains were just for the view it gives me lol!**

**Hidan: If you give me more you won't need chains to get a view. *winks***

**A/N: *blushes and starts to nod but stops suddenly* No! Must not give in to hotness!**

**Pein: *purrs* You know you want to.**

**A/N: *faints***

**Deidara: Dang. Now we have to wait 'till she gets up for more cheese and cookie goodness.**


	3. Fudgeknocker

**A/N: Ugh. I just got back from school, and it sucked. :P Now that it started again I probably won't be able to update as often, but I'll try.**

**Sasuke: What am I doing in this story?**

**A/N: Sasuke senses tingling. Must kill all named Sasuke within a five mile radius. KILL THE EMO DUCKHEAD!**

**Sasuke: WHAT THE HECK? WHERE DID THAT CHAINSAW COME FROM? GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!**

**A/N: KILL!**

**Naruto: DATTEBAYO!**

**A/N: *looks at Naruto weird* Naruto, I thought we discussed this before, stay in your room. Nobody wants you here.**

**Naruto: *sad look***

**A/N: AWWWW! FINE YOU ADORABLE HUNK OF CUTENESS! YOU CAN STAY!**

**Naruto: DATTEBAYO!**

**A/N: Now for the death of the emo!**

**Sasuke: *sad look***

**A/N: Sorry Sasuke, but I already paid for your coffin.**

**Sasuke: FREAK! *runs***

**A/N: Must catch! And kill! *gives chase***

Ugh. I think I'm gonna barf.

So, after nearly fainting at the sight of Hidan's side of the room, I decided to watch Kakuzu count his money.

One problem. Sure, the desk where Kakuzu counts his money is near the wall opposite of Hidan's side, but that doesn't block out the worst part.

The smell.

And let me tell you, the smell of blood and guts is not a pleasant one. Of course, that didn't stop me from finishing off the Cheezits from earlier. Hey, good Cheezits should never be wasted.

So that's where I'm at. Sitting on Kakuzu's bed and trying not to barf up Cheezits by watching Kakuzu repeatedly count the same money over and over again.

Which makes me wonder how much it is exactly. I mean, I know absolutely nothing about Japanese currency. Other than the fact that it's Japanese. And money.

Which bring up another problem. I have no idea of what they are talking about. The Akatsuki, I mean. All they talk in is gibberish (Japanese) and I have no idea as to how to speak it. At all. They could be talking about my execution and I would have no flippin idea.

But, maybe, just maybe, I don't have to know how to speak it.

"I wish I understood the language of Japanese!" I closed my eyes, hoping that my head would suddenly be filled with great knowledge.

Aaaannnndddd, nothing.

No spontanious burst of info on another language. That I know of anyways. Maybe I need to hear it? And it'll kick in automatically?

"Yo, Ragdoll. Speak to me." Kakuzu glanced up at the sound of my voice.

"Nanidesu ka?" Nope nothing.

I glared at my hands as Kakuzu went back to ignoring me. Apparently I can only wish for matter, not knowledge. Guess it's time to try the hard way.

"I wish I had a book that could teach me Japanese." I heard a _swish_ sound before I was very suddenly hit in the face with a book that flew out of nowhere. Literally.

I glanced at the cover. Then I gaped. The universe had to think I was pretty darn stupid to give me this book. The cover stated in bold black letters surrounded by yellow "Japanese for Dummies". No joke. Or maybe it was a joke. What kind of universe gives me that book? I mean, Japanese can't be that hard of a language, right? Right?

Five minutes later I was silently cursing the founder of the Japanese language.

"RRRRRR! I hate this friggin language! It was invented by some high fudgeknocker that couldn't think straight!" I glared at nothing in general.

"Anata wa dare mo, migi o rikai dekiru jitsugen ka?" I glared at Kakuzu.

"Yes I do realize that no one can understand me Mr. I'd-sell-my-soul-for-a-cent." It took me a moment for it to hit.

I sat so fast that the room spun for a moment. I didn't care though, 'cause I could understand him! I friggin understood the gibberish! Clear as day he said "you do realize that no one can understand you, right?" Holy friggin chiz! It worked!

"I can understand you! I know what you said!" Then I noticed his blank look.

He still couldn't understand _me._

This could be a weapon. A good weapon.

I would be able to monitor everything they said about me, and they wouldn't be know _or_ be able to understand me. I could do whatever would keep their interest and keep myself alive until I had an oppertunity to blow this joint. Heck, they might just give away the way out without even noticing.

But, it would be a hard act to keep up.

I mean, they're like freakin lie detectors them ninja's are. And I would have to be perfectly blank or frustrated whenever they spoke.

Suddenly the door creaked open, and I heard a voice come through.

"Daidokoro ni on'nanoko o motte, rīdā wa kanojo ga kaji ni yakudatsudeshou ka dō ka o nozonde iru." Ugh, fabulous.

They want to see if I'll be useful for hyousehold chores. So they're taking me to the kitchen.

I didn't let on thet I knew though. I simply sat still and looked blankly at the wall behind Kakuzu.

"Sore wa watashi no jikan no mudada. Kanojo jishin o kudasai." Ugh, cheap 'ol miser thinks it's a waste of his time and that Deidara should take me himself.

"Shikashi Kakuzu, moshi kanojo ga yakunitatsu monoda, kanojo wa shiyōnin no seifuku o chakuyō suru hitsuyō ga arimasu. Kanojo wa mite ikimasu ka hotto kangaete kudasai." Wait, what?

Did he just say I'll have to wear a servant uniform if I'm good? And that I'll look hot?

Ok, I'm pretty sure I don't want to wear that uniform.

**A/N: I was forced to give up the Sasuke hunt. He went outside, and that's where the mob is.**

**Sakura: What mob?**

**A/N: The Akatsuki after my cheese and cookie samich. They keep trying to break in and force me to give them some! It's scary!**

**Sakura: Yeah right. That sounds gross.**

**A/N: Have you tried one?**

**Sakura: Well, no. But-**

**A/N: *shoves one in her mouth***

**Sakura: *chews slowly and swallows* Oh, my gosh. MORE NOW!**

**A/N: Ah, ratsnacks. I never learn! They're just so good that I have to share them!**

**Sakura: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!**

**A/N: AHHHHHHHHHHH! CALL THE-**


	4. Unmentioned Features

**A/N: I is backies! :D *waits for thunderous applause to die down* I know, I know. I'm awesome.**

**Kakuzu: Yeah right. You're just lucky you finally gave us some of your cheese and cookie samich stash, or you'd be dead right now.**

**A/N: Man, does everyone here hate me? *goes off to Sasuke's personal emo corner***

**Tobi: OH, OH! TOBI DOESN'T HATE THE PRETTY LADY! 'CAUSE TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!**

**A/N: Omg. TOBI YOU'RE SO FRIGGIN CUTE! GIVE ME A HUG!**

**Tobi: YAY! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! *tackle glomps me***

**A/N: *giggles and rubs cheek against Tobi's mask before getting really serious all of the sudden* Sorry, Tobi fangirl moment.**

**Tobi: So Tobi isn't a good boy? *sad look***

**A/N: NO, NO! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! I'M SORRY TOBI! AUTHOR IS A BAD GIRL!**

I officially hate life in general.

It wasn't so bad until I got sucked into the Akatsuki lair. Stupid tv, having unmentioned features... Anywho, Right now I'm being led by Kakuzu to the kitchen. Where aparrently I'm going to be tested on my cooking skills... Oh, and if I pass (which I probably will, I'm a fair cook) I get to wear a slave uniform for the Akatsuyki's viewing pleasure. Great, right? (Sarcasm, that was sarcasm!)

"Tobi, watashi wa anata o korosu zo!" That basically translates into 'Tobi, I'm gonna kill you!'

Great, first week and I already get to witness a murder.

I followed Kakuzu in and came to sigh6t not uncommon in the Naruto series.

Deidara shaking poor Tobi back and forth like a ragdoll. Poor Tobi.

Now, I know that I'm supposed to be scared, especially since the other members were in the room, but he was just so darn cute. So I rushed for ward with arm wide open.

"So cute!" I barely had time to see Deidara blush slightly and raise his arm before I tackled Tobi.

I giggled from our current position from the ground. I started to rub my cheek against Tobi's masked one as I murmured over and over 'so cute!' I mean, I know he's Madara, but the Tobi version is awesome.

Then Tobi hugged me back and began to rub his cheek against mine too.

"Dakara kawaii!" I giggled again as Tobi called me cute in Japanese.

Then I put on a serious face and pulled back slightly to look at his face, an idea in my head. I pretended to mull over something for a moment before speaking.

"Kawaii. Tobi Kawaii!" Then I grinned and patted his head with my hand before standing.

I glanced around and mentally sweatdropped. All of them had little blushes on their faces except for Itachi, Sasori, and Pein.

"Jūbun'na u~itto kono oroka-sa o. Kore wa, tesuto o kaishi suru jikandesu." Pein stated emotionlessly.

Looks like it's time to start.

:D :) :P -.- ^.~ ^.^ . . :}:D :) :P -.- ^.~ ^.^ . . :}:D :) :P -.- ^.~ ^.^ . . :}:D :) :P -.- ^.~

About thirty minutes later I stood staring at my new 'slave' outfit in a bathroom mirror. Pfft, slave outfit. More like a couple of rags.

Okay, okay. I know. Why did I cook if I didn't want the outfit.

The answer is simple my friends. I heard them muttering about how much of a dissapointment it would be if they had to kill me if I failed.

Nice fellows aint they?

Not.

I heard a bang on the door. I'm guessing that's the universal sign for 'get your but out here so we can have a view.' Yeah, these are that skimpy.

I hesitantly walked to the door, finally remembering that these were hardened criminals. I have no idea as to what they can do... Then I smacked myself on the forehead.

_Duh! I just make a wish!_

"I wish I had a cute maid outfit, but not a slutty one." I closed my eyes tight.

Boy was I greeted with a sight when I opened them.

I was adorned with a cute maid outfit! It was purple, short, but not too short, and it had darker purple lace trim. To complete it was a small white apron and a big dark purple bow on my back and a smaller matching bow in my hair.

_SO CUTE!_

Then another thought hit me, whould the Akatsuki be ticked that I changed the outfit.

I gulped as I thought of torture possibilities. Frantically I began to look for the other outfit, hoping to perform a last minute exchange, but I guess it was too late.

The bathroom was bare of any form of clothing other than what was on my back.

Another bang came, louder this time. I'm guessing that's universal for 'hurry up already, you darn women are so dang slow!'

I gulped and inched my way over to the door.

I hesitantly unlocked the door and stepped out to meet a roomful of stares.

I nearly died of a heartattack right then, but instead I chose to grovel on my knees.

"I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO SWITCH THE OUTFITS! THE OTHER ONE WAS BUT UGLY THOUGH! AND ISN'T THIS ONE SO CUTE! I WANT A PEICE OF PIZZA! YES THAT WAS RANDOM BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT i'M SAYING SO I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT AS LONG AS I MAKE IT SOUND LIKE GROVELING!" Yeah, I really said that.

I was met with more silence.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed! I'm only gonna update on weekends now that school started 'cause I'm so busy, but it'll be worth it because the next chapter will involve 'slave duties.' Wink, wink!**

**Jade: Wait, what? You can not do this to me! I... I... I quit!**

**A/N: You can't quit! I made you! Without me you'll be just an untyped piece of paper!**

**Jade: No! I'm going to make my own way in the world!**

**A/N: Omg. She's going through her teen years all over again!**

**Jade: Shut up you &^(*$)(#&%(^&#(*$&^(#)$) and &)*$&%^)_!&^%)(#&*#%! With a bit of &)$)&%)_!&_^%#&_^#$(_&*&! And a bucket of !&%(#(!)(%#*# all over the &%#)_%&)_%!(*_^&_(%!&( soup!**

**A/N: :O *speechless***

**Hidan: *proud* I taught her to do that.**


	5. Small Breeze

**A/N: HIDAN, GET YOUR %$ BACK HERE! I WONDER HOW LONG IT TAKES FOR AN IMMORTAL TO DISSOLVE IN ACID? COME HERE SO I CAN FIND OUT!**

**Hidan: WHY DID I HAVE TO TEACH JADE HOW TO SWEAR? WHYYYYYY!**

**Jade: Haha.**

**A/N: DON'T THINK YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK EITHER MISSY! I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HAIR OUT AND TAKE YOUR SCALP WITH IT FOR WHAT YOU SAID TO ME YOUNG LADY! **

**Jade: *gulps* AHHHHHH!**

**A/N: THAT'S RIGHT! I PUT YOU BOTH INTO THIS AUTHOR NOTE, AND I'M GONNA TAKE YOU OUT!**

**Itachi: Man she's hot when she's angry...**

**Deidara: Too true, too true.**

**Itachi: *winces at sound in backround* All of you readers might want to get to the story now.**

**Deidara: It's about to get ugly. *eyes widen* I didn't know skin could stretch that far.**

**Itachi: I didn't think it could sizzle either.**

"Koko de no taizai. Watashi wa kono shōjo o miru tsumorida, 1tsu no mono wa nani demo watashi-tachi ga iu ni shokumu no." Pein spoke up, and I do not like this.

He basically just said that he's going to show me that one of my duties is to do whatever they want me to.

Does that sound good to you? I didn't think so.

I winced back from my position on hte floor as Pein approached me, unsure of his intentions. He merely kept coming, though, and gripped my arm. Not with bruising force, but enough to let me know it would quickly turn to that if I resisted it would quickly turn crushing.

I looked up at his face as he led me from the room to see if I could get an idea of what was to come.

His bright orange hair was certaintly striking, and combined with mysterious ringed eyes and all of those piercings, it certaintly made for an intimidating image. But there was absolutely no emotion on his face, it was a completely blank slate. It made me wonder about the real him, Nagato. Hooked up to a machine somewhere, sending out signals through those rods, which where then recieved into those wicked looking piercings. It didn't seem like a pleasent process...

My ponderings cam to a halt with my steps, though, as we came to a stop infront of a very un-intimidating looking door.

Pein yanked it open not very gently and shoved me in.

I landed on my knees in complete darkness. The door was already shut, closing out every last bit of light. I wasn't even sure if Pein was in here or not. Heck, I wasn't sure if there was some sort of crazy monster or not in her. For all I knew I could've been alone in the pitch blackness.

That is, I thought I was alone until I felt a small breeze.

It was just the barest brushing of air against my back, as though someone had swiftly walked past me, not touching, but coming close.

I felt it again as I stood up. This time infront of me.

I really started to freak out when I heard the breathing. It was rough, almost angry. An animalistic sound.

That and the fact it was right next to my ear got me, oh, I don't know... FREAKED OUT!

I could finally see slightly as my eyes adjusted.

I didn't like seeing anymore. To accompany the breathing were two glowing rinnegan eyes. Pein.

I could only whimper slightly though as he backed away and it was silent once more, leaving me with no idea as to where he was.

I stood rooted to the spot, unmoving with fright. I could feel Pein circling me, like he was a wolf and I his fightened prey... Which was actually pretty accurate, considering him compared to me.

All I had were wishes, while he had ninja skills and a bloodline only two people were known to posses. Him and the Sage of the Six Paths. And the Sage of the Six Paths was looooong dead.

Suddenly I was shoved against the wall, but as soon as I was his hands disappeared from my shoulders.

I could only stand there, breathing hard with wide eyes.

I heard a low chuckle from the blackness before me.

"Suru toki ni wa, kowagatte ite kawaiidesu." Which means 'you're cute when you're scared.'

Not exactly encouraging.

I whimpered, that came from just infront of me.

I felt him lean forward slightly. I could tell because his forehead was just brushing mine, and I could feel the cool metal of his headband cantrasting sharply to the heated feel of my skin.

I didn't even bother to try and escape, it would be a futile attempt.

After all, its not like I have any powers or anything.

No, no. It's not like I have an unlimited amount of wishes at my disposal. What would give anyone that idea? No, I couldn't just wish for a savior such as a bunch of Konoah ANBU or anything.

That stuff isn't possible.

Oh, wait a minute, it is!

But just as I opened my mouth to say the magic words, Pein closed the distance between us, quickly I might add.

**A/N: I'm sorry that I didn't make this chapter longer, BUT I HAVE TWO FOUL MOUTHED BRATS TO PUNISH.**

**Hidan: *hanging over a vat of acid* DEAR JASHIN SAVE ME!**

**Jade: *my hand about to rip her hair/scalp off* I'M SORRY! DON'T HURT MY HEAD!**

**A/N: TOO LATE FOR THAT! WHILE THE STORY WAS ON YOU BOTH CUSSED AT ME FIVE MORE TIMES! THAT IS NOT OKAY!**

**Itachi: Look away.**

**Deidara: See you next time. OH MY GOD SHE'S STARTING! MY EYES!**

**Itachi: *silent from horror***


	6. Hawk Face

**A/N: It takes an immortal exactly 32 hours to dissolve in acid... When one prolongs it enough.**

**Jade: *has bandages over head* Why? Such horrible things...**

**A/N: Jade, you might want to go get your wig on for the story.**

**Jade: Yes ma'am! I mean sir! I mean ma'am! I mean-**

**A/N: Just go. *watches as Jade leaves* That kid... I love the power I have over her now!**

**Madara: I think you've gone a **_**little**_** power crazy.**

**A/N: Look who's talking!**

**Madara: Touché.**

I snapped my mouth shut as Pein closed the distance between us, not as sure about this as he seemed to be.

His lips were smooth over mine, hinting at more than a little experience on his part. I stood stock-still as I was roughly held between him and the wall, no way out unless he decided so.

He pushed his tongue against my lips, trying to enter, but I merely pressed them tighter together. Pein grunted slightly through the kiss and took his hands away from their previous positions on either side of my head. I gave a gasp as he gripped my shoulders and pulled them forward just before shoving them against the wall, resulting in more than a little pain. He took immediate advantage, pushing his tongue into my mouth. I gave a small whimper as he began to explore ruthlessly, not letting up until I was completely out of air.

I started to tremble slightly as he moved his mouth down my neck to my jaw. One of his hands moved to my mouth, obviously to keep me from wishing my way out of this. I gave another tremor as he slowly licked along the nape of my neck before biting down, so hard that he drew blood. The hand that wasn't on my mouth slowly started to creep up my shirt, and I felt him start lapping at the blood.

I felt the tears already in my eyes slowly creep down my cheeks. I didn't want this. Not like this.

Pein's mouth suddenly froze, his hand lingering just above my hip.

Then he pulled away completely, and I slid to the floor.

I dazedly eyed him as he paused his swift exit of the room in the doorway, leaving a rectangle of light with his silhouette in the center.

"Jikai wa watashi-tachi kara chokusetsu meirei ni somuku, watashi wa teishi shimasen." I gulped mentally at his warning of not stopping next time I disobeyed them.

I sat still in the darkness of the room once he left.

_I hate this. This place sucks! I mean, of course I liked the Akatsuki in the show, and I respected their bad guy status, but not when it's on me! Like, why didn't I end up with the good guys?_

Yes, it hit me just then. I know, I'm stupid.

Duh, I could just wish for the good guys (Konoha in other words) to rescue me!

"I wish the Konoha ANBU would rescue me! Oh, and that no casualties would be held!" I added the last part on quickly, after all, can't have no one dying.

At that precise moment I heard a boom and shouts that were not the Akatsuki echoing throughout the base. Soon after followed the sounds of battle.

It took about thirty minutes for the sounds to die down and silence to creep up again.

I nervously waited, wondering if I couldn't wish people into doing things, before the door opened slowly, and a light was flicked on.

I looked up into the eyes of an ANBU with a hawk mask.

"Korera no akatsuki no shūjindesu ka?" He just asked me if I was a prisoner.

"Uh, well. I guess I am technically, and honestly it-" I stopped when I realized he had on a cunfused face.

"Oh, I can fix this! I wish all of the Naruto characters spoke English!" I looked up as he spoke again, my breath hitching in anticipation.

"I said, are you a prisoner of these Akatsuki?" HOLY CHIZ IT WORKED!

I mean, I know I said our different languages could be an advantage, but heck with that! I could always wish away the whole same language thing if I met up with the Akatsuki again, anyways.

"Yes! Yes I am! Oh, my gawd! You have no idea how relieved I am to see you! They freaken tortured me! Well, not really, but they made me almost wear a skimpy servant outfit, but I wore this instead! And then the leader was mad!" I was about to babble on before I got cut off by the ANBU.

"Enough. We should leave now, they'll not give up a prisoner easily, and our forces can't hold them off for long. We need to leave with my team." His smooth voice was soothing to my panic, and I felt myself agreeing to his words.

"Okay, but where are we going?" Gawd I sounded like Dora the explorer just then. I mean, 'where are we going?' Really? Did I just do that? Seriously, all that was missing was three claps.

"To Konoha, the Hokage will most likely assign a team to watch you once we get there. Now let's leave." Unfortunately I was 'slow' so I had to ride on his back while he ran.

_Pfft. Stupid ninja's and their ninja speed._

"Hey, who's the Hokage right now?" I had to know this, it would be vital to know where I am in the storyline.

"Tsunade. One of the three sannin. Also know as the legendary sucker." Haha! What a stupid but accurate nickname!

So I'm probably near shippuden. Which means Sasuke's already gone... YAY!

**A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Orochimaru: It wasn't that funny!**

**A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Harry Potter: So you're sure that this guy isn't Lord Voldemort?**

**A/N: *laughs harder* ! *nods through laughs***

**Ron: *walks in* LORD VOLDEMORT! RUN HARRY!**

**A/N: *rolling on floor laughing with tears rolling down cheeks* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**My BFF: *walks in* Author. Is that Micheal Jackson risen from the dead?**

**A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *chokes on laughter and faints* (Just for the record though, I was sad when MJ died, and I thought he was talented. But we have to admit, they do share a resemblance!)**

**Orochimaru: FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT MICHEAL JACKSON! OR LORD VOLDEMORT! WHOEVER THOSE PEOPLE ARE! STOP MISTAKING ME FOR THEM!**


	7. Creeper Dude

**BFF: Please, I just want your autograph!**

**Orochimaru: BUT I'M NOT MICHEAL JACKSON!**

**Author: Ok, I like a good funny, but this is getting rather old.**

**Orochimaru: *turns on me* WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE DECIDED THIS THREE HOURS AGO!**

**A/N: ... *thinking* Because it was still funny then.**

**Orochimaru: RAWR!**

**A/N: AHHHH!**

**BFF: Hey! Back off of my best friend! RAAAWWWRRR! *lunges***

**Orochimaru: Wait, what are you- OH DEAR KAMI-SAMA! NOOOOOO!**

**A/N: Oh, my gawd. My BFF is scary when she's protective!**

What a scary, scary man.

No, I'm not back with the Akatsuki, but rather with the Konoha interrogation sqaud... AKA Ibiki Morino.

Why are they so mad at me! I mean, sure I might of let some choice information about the Leaf Village slip, but I'm a fan of the show!

"For the last time, how did you know about what went on at the chunin exams? You weren't there and have no ties to it! Plus the village kept most of what went on under wraps! Then you spoke to most of the ninja in the village by name, and they have no idea as to who you are! What do you know and how!" God, what a creeper.

"For the last time, creeper, I have no frickin clue as to what you're going on about!" I glared triumphantly... For about a minute.

"I have about fifty confused ninja who say otherwise!" Ibiki sighed and leaned back slightly from his position of sitting across from me on the other side of a metal table.

"You leave me no choice." Ibiki gestured to a chunin level ninja (I could tell what rank from his vest).

"Bring me the box." Wait, what?

"What box?" My question was answered when the chunin came back with a big, black box. Looked normal... Until Ibiki open it.

Inside was a stunning array of torture devices. Ibiki seemed to pause for a moment to let me take it in, then he took out a senbon.

I was confused for a moment as to why out of all the torture devices in the box of pain and horror, or the bopah for short, he chose a mere senbon.

That cunfuzzledness was cured when he gripped my hand from across the table and put the edge of the senbon under the tip of my nail.

HE WAS GONNA SHOVE A NEEDLE UNDER MY NAIL!

Now under normal, medical circumstances I react badly to a needle. But under unnatural, torture circumstances, I react much more logically.

"NO PLEASE! DON'T SHOVE A-A NEEDLE UNDER MY NAIL! I HATE NEEDLES! NOOOOOO! I'LL SPEAK, I'LL SPEAK! I CAME HERE FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION WHERE THIS IS ALL JUST A SHOW SLASH MANGA SERIES AND I'VE SEEN ALL THE EPISODES OVER FIFTY TIMES AND KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU PEOPLE! THEN ONE DAY MY T.V. SUCKED ME IN AND I WAS STRANDED IN THE AKATSUKI BASE AND THEY WERE ALL SPEAKING JAPANESE AND IT WAS FAST LIKE BLAHBLAHBLAH INSTEAD OF BLAH BLAH BLAH LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE SO I MADE A WISH THAT I HAD A SHIELD AND THAT I COULD UNDERSTAND THEM AND IT WORKED! SO THEN AFTER BEING PHYSICALLY ASSULTED BY THE LEADER I MADE A WISH THAT I WOULD BE RESCUED BY KONOHA ANBU, 'CAUSE IT SEEMED LOGICAL, I MEAN KONOHA IS THE MAIN HERO CITY IN THE SERIES! I WAS AND THEN I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU THIS BECAUS EIT MAKES NO SENSE AND IT COULD RUIN THE STORYLINE AND STUFF, BUT YOU'RE A CREEPER AND SCARED ME INTO IT! DON'T TORTURE ME!" Hey, it's logical to freak out before being tortured brutally, right?

"Uh, that has to be a lie, a very stupid lie, so lets try this again." Ibiki, otherwise known as Creeper Dude, prepared to shove the needle again.

"NO! No, I swear it's the truth! Please, I know so much that it has to be true, ask me anything about anyone and I can tell you if they're main characters or even characters who are mentioned in the show!" By this time I was halfway across the table and holding onto Creeper Dude's shirt and bawling pathetically.

Hey, I hate needles, I'd been sucked _into my T.V._ and thrust into the arms of crazy phsyco ninja, and then just when I escaped I was taken into interrogation from one of the scariest people I'd ever met. It was all crashing on me at once, all of it triggered by my small phobia of needles. I think I deserve some empathy here!

"Uh, calm down there, I wasn't really gonna hurt you, it was just show." Ibiki was patting my head rather akwardly, obviously not used to crying girls.

"Oh, please. You're Konoha's top interrogator! Like heck you wouldn't hurt me! You've endured so much torture yourself, your scars prove it, that I'm sure a couple of nedles seem hardly harsh to you." I sniffed as my tears ran out, my emotions quick to come and go.

"You know about my scars?" This obviously surprised him.

"Ya, I told you I wasn't lying. In my world this really is just a show. Before you get any ideas about me telling you stuff that's gonna happen, let me tell you it ain't gonna happen. I just want to go home without screwing up the path this worlds going to take." Ibiki leaned back, slightly stunned, and I saw the gaurds and chunin in the room reacting similarly.

"Well, personally I think none of this should leave this room, not just for our sake but yours. You have an exceptional knowledge if this is true, and most would do you great harm to get it. Not to mention whatever that wish thing was that you mentioned earlier, but I must consult the Hokage on this matter. But until I get back to her none of this is to leave this room." At this Ibiki looked pointedly at each of the gaurds in turn, waiting for them each to nod.

"Also, while I wait for a meeting with Lady Tsunade, I will assign a team to watch you, but who to assign to something so important..." Ibiki mused slowly to himself.

Deciding to test the waters a little I offered up a suggestion.

"How about Team Kakashi?" Yeah, its an obvious choice, but who doesn't want to meet them?

"Hmm, that's actually a good suggestion. With both Kakashi and Yamato it should make a good choice for this job. I'll call them up now." Ibiki patted my head slightly as he walked out of the room.

"Thanks, Ibiki! You're not such a creeper after all!" I heard him chuckle at my call just before the door closed.

**Ibiki: Why'd you keep calling me a creeper? I'm not that bad am I?**

**A/N: *eating popcorn while watching Orochimaru get beat up* Nah, not all of the time. You're just kinda intimidating.**

**Ibiki: Huh, I guess.**

**Kisame: Hmm. What did I miss while I was gone?**

**A/N: Ah, just me calling Ibiki a creeper. Where were you anyways?**

**Kisame: I went to the ocean to visit y family.**

**A/N: ... HAHA! I KNEW IT! YOUR MOTHER IS A DOLPHIN!**

**Kisame: WHAT? NO! My parents just have seaside home!**

**A/N: Ah huh, suuuuuure they do Kisame. In fact, they're so close to the ocean that THEY LIVE IN IT!**

**Kisame: NO!**

**A/N: YES!**

**Kisame: NO!**

**A/N: YES!**

**Kisame: NO!**

**A/N: YE-**

**BFF: WILL BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP? *breathing hard from anger***

**A/N & Kisame: MEEP!**


	8. Fangirl Bragging

**A/N: Hey peeps! Sorry that I couldn't update yesterday, I just got back from my week-long trip to London! *does the London dance***

**Kakuzu: Any amout of culture and kistory there was wasted on your pitiful mind... Not to mention how expensive that place is! What a waste of money!**

**A/N: -.-' Really? For a minute you almost sounded normal... Almost.**

**Kakuzu: Look who's talking!**

**A/N: **

**Kakuzu: Heh, it's not that hard to outsmart you.**

**A/N: *opens mouth to protest then stops and thinks* Yeah, it's not.**

I snapped out of the temporary sleep I had fallen into as Ibiki left to find Team Kakashi when I was poked in the shoulder lightly.

Holy chiz.

"Holy chiz! It's friggin team Kakashi! No freaken shishinickles! And Sas-gay isn't here! This is like, epic! Oh, my garshness! I need a camera! No, I need fangirls to brag to! Kakashi! Show me your face! Not just the sharingan part! I must see!" I couldn't help but go into fangirl mode. I mean, how many have you have been poked awake by Kakashi in the flesh? None? Thought so.

"Wow, you weren't kidding when you said she knew about us. But really, am I truly expected to believe that she comes from a different world?" Kakashi spoke up quickly, watching my face curiously.

"Yeah, you are. She needs to be protected by the best, and I figured you deserved to know why. Besides, I need someone I see on a somewhat regular basis to watch her. She's grown on me." Ibiki smiled slightly as my mouth dropped open at his statement.

"Oh, Ibiki... You really are a creeper! I mean, I like, just met you! What are you, some kind of pedophile? I mean, I gotta be at least twenty years younger than you! Your so old! Gawd, don't turn into a pedophile like Orochimaru! We really don't need another him! Yeah, don't want Sas-gay's body like him either, 'cause there are already enough girls out there that beat 'cha to it!" I was by this time hiding behind an extremely confused Naruto.

Sakura was giving me a 'what the heck' look, and Naruto's face was a complete contrast, the face of one about to burst into laughter. Sai, on the other hand, had on that mundane little fake smile. . Kakashi was rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, and Yamato was shaking his head at me. Ibiki was sighing repeatedly and pinching his was I gonna have fun with these guys.

"Wait! Hold everything for just a minute! If you know about us, then you must know where Sasuke is, right? You can help us!" Naruto spoke up in his usual bluntness with a seriously hopeful and a rare serious face.

I felt my own face turn somber and sad, hating to crush his hope.

"Naruto... I can't. You have to understand, I want to, but it would mess things up. You see, everything here is set to go on a certain course, and if I mess it up by giving things away... I have no idea as to what the effects of that would be, but things would change from the way they were meant to be." I grimaced as Naruto's face fell, he looked every bit the part of a kicked puppy, err, fox.

"Don't worry, though, Naruto. Everything works out for the best."

_Mostly._ I added the thought silently to myself.

I could tell Kakashi caught the look in my eyes, for he slowly raised one eyebrow. I was already too far gone to notice, though.

Because this brought new thoughts.

How much had I already changed just by being here? What effects had I just been the cause of by even saying anything to Naruto? Was any information I had on this world even useful anymore?

I was startled out of my mind when I felt a buzzing in the small pocket of my maids uniform, I could see similar reactions from the ninja in the room, but I almost instantly relaxed.

It was my phone. I had had it in my jeans pocket when I came here, and I'd kept it when I'd changed into this outfit. I had forgotten all about it! I hastily pulled it out and recognised the number of my little sister, who happened to live with me.

I'd just barely answered, waving away the curious looks Team Kakashi and Ibiki were giving the phone, before I heard she started yelling at me.

"JADE AMELIA HANNINGS! WHERE IN THE HECK ARE YOU? I JUST GOT HOME FROM COLLEGE AND YOU WEREN'T HERE!" I winced slightly and turned around to face the wall, hoping the ninja wouldn't notice my watery eyes.

"Rae, I'm so sorry! It's not my fault I'm not home!" Operation Calm Sister: failure.

"Well then, get home now! Remeber, you said we could go to the movies tonight." Oh, how to explain this. 'Sorry, I can't come because I'm in an alternate universe.' Yeah, not gonna cut it.

"Rae... I don't think I'm coming home." I heard silence for a moment, and I felt my heart drop to my feet.

"What? But, you want to stay with me right?" I started to sniffle quietly.

"Of course I do, Rae. I love you! But, I don't think I'm capable right now." I heard another pause and a deep and shaky breath.

"Why? Why, can't you come back home with me Jade? I need you, I have no money or job, and I'm still trying to get a degree."

"Rae. I want to come home so bad, but I really can't! And I can't tell you why either... And as for money, I was prepared for a disaster. In the back of my bra drawer I have hundreds of dollars that I saved stored up. You're almost done with school, and then you can get a job. The money will last until then, positive." I tried to calm myself with some logical instructions for Rae.

"But, I need you Jade. You're my best friend..." I felt my heart crack and heard hers do the same.

"Rae, I'm so sorry, but I don't have a choice. I need you too, but we both have to be strong, okay? I'll try my hardest to find a way back." By this time I was trying to subtly wipe away tears leaking down my cheeks.

"I love you Jade." Now my shoulders were shaking with silent sobs, and I could hear her unconcealed ones coming through the phone.

"I love you too." I heard the strangledness of my own voice. I really hoped Rae didn't, it would panic her.

"Bye Jade... You're the best person I've ever met, you know that?" Somehow she knew the chances of me actually finding a way back were slim.

"Double for you. Bye Rae." As soon as she hung up, my sobs were no longer silent, and I began a soft keening, unable to hide it from the ninja just behind me.

"Hey, don't worry. I promise I'll help you get home. And Naruto Uzumaki always keeps his promises!" I felt a lean body hug me from behind and turned to cry all over Naruto's jacket.

I felt the rest of Team Kakashi step forward and pat my head akwardly, not having Naurto's affinity for knowing what to do. As I calmed I turned my face up to give a watery smile at Naruto.

"I know you will."

**A/N: No.**

**Kakuzu: Yes.**

**A/N: No.**

**Kakuzu: Yes.**

**A/N: No!**

**Kakuzu: Yes.**

**A/N: NO!**

**Kakuzu: ... Yes.**

**A/N: For the last time you cannot go through my bra drawer to try and find money!**

**Kakuzu: Says you.**

**A/N: BFF! I need you!**

**Kakuzu: No! Fine! Kami, you're such a baby!**

**A/N: Better than being a miserly old jerkface!**

**Kakuzu: Touché.**


	9. A Nasally OWW!

**A/N: Teriaki Chicken!**

**Kisame: ...**

**A/N: What, no question as to why I said that?**

**Kisame: I'm used to your stupidness by now.**

**A/N: ...**

**Kisame: *mockingly* What, no exclamation as to how I'm so mean?**

**A/N: No, I'm used to you being an #$%$#* by now.**

**Kisame: :O You cursed. I though you were a happy angel!**

**A/N: CHEESE!**

**Kisame: *sweatdrop* Never mind.**

I felt slightly nervous to be meeting the Legendary Sucker, and worse, for mission debriefing.

You see, after my little, ahem, moment, Kakashi was summoned to Tsunade's office, minus Sai and Yamato. Another confusion moment for me. Why were Yamato and Sai even here if Sasori was still alive? Did I already inderectly change things?

"JAAAAADDEEEE! WAKE UP!" _Wham!_

I almost felt sorry for Naruto as Sakura's fist connected with the side of his head. But then I felt my eardrums pulsing from his yell, and the guilt mysteriously vanished.

"Sorry about that Jade. _Naruto's an idiot!" _At the last part of the sentence I could feel her channling her inner Sakura.

"Haha, it's okay! Also, Naruto." I smiled softly as he looked up at me.

"I wish a 20 pound weight would fall on Naruto's head." I grinned as he freaked and then fainted as the weight appered out of somewhere in midair, man, it was a wonder he even survived.

"So that's what you meant by wish..." I felt Kakashi staring at me intently once more, sending chills down my spine.

"Oh, Ibiki mentioned that to you?" I felt slightly nervous as to how he would react, but he was interrupted by Tsunade.

"Good, you won't be a total deadweight for this mission." Tsunade spoke up, and I felt my self bristle slightly.

But, you know. It's true. I'm no ninja. I'm probably just gonna end up being deadweight even with my wish thingamajig. Ecspecially since I'm still confuzzled by it, I mean, it's like sometimes it randomly works and then it doesn't. What the heck's up with that?

"... Mission... hunt... spotted... Sasuke..." What, who?

"Hai, Tsunade-sama." We exited the room and I tapped Sakura on the shoulder lightly.

I grinned sheepishly as she faced me.

"What's the mission, and what does it have to do with Chicken-but head?" Sakura's face was somber as she answered.

"Sasuke has been spotted near Kirigakure, and we were assigned to go and capture him." I felt a shiver crawl down my spine.

"But, uh, shouldn't I stay here?" Sakura sighed.

"You _should_. You're not a ninja, and it's going to be very dangerous. But, Team Kakashi was assigned to protect you, and to stay by you, so you have to come with us." Sakura, I could tell, wasn't so happy with the fact she was gonna have to look after me.

"What about Sai and Yamato? Can't I stay with them?" I really didn't want to stay with the effiminate dude that was obsessed with male parts, but Yamato is okay.

"No, they're coming along. They were debriefed before us. Hey, weren't you paying any attention?" I felt a small wave of menace leak out of her at the end of her sentence.

Luckily we got out of the building at just that moment to meet Sai and Yamato. I felt a creepy stare on me and turned to face Yamato looking me up and down.

"You should get a different outfit, I'm sure Sakura would let you borrow one of hers, that one is a bit... Distracting." Yamato's words were confirmed as he pointed over my shoulder.

I turned to come face to face with a certain dog boy staring at me. Yeah, Kiba. Next to him was the bug boy himself, Shino. I couldn't tell if he was staring at me or not with those tinted glasses covering the direction of his eyes, but if the chill on my spine was any indication, he was. Then there was shy little Hinata blushing and lokking at Naruto then glancing around blushing even darker... So... Cute... Must... Resist!

"Oh, my garshness!" I leaped forward and glomped Hinata, the only thing keeping her up was her mad ninja skillz.

"Hinata! You're so sweet and adorable!" I felt her go limp and I pulled back.

She had fainted. I sweatdropped and Kiba pulled her away from me and both he and Shino were giving me odd looks, well, I felt Shino's.

"Oops! Forgot the shyness factor! Sorry, Kiba, Shino." I smiled slightly but they only looked at me even weirder.

"How do you know who we are?" Shino's voice was like ice.

I was prepared to answer until I spotted the big ball o' fluff next to Kiba.

"Holy chiz! It's Akamaru!" I grinned and lunged only to be met with the ground as Akamaru merely stepped t the side to avoid me.

I felt something warm trickling down my face and heard a _crack_ as my face came into contact with the ground.

"OWWW! I broke my nose!" My voice was all nasally as I sat up.

"No prob! I wish my nose was fixed, oh and that I had a new outfit on!" I felt my nose crack back into place painfully.

"OWW!" This time my voice wasn't nasally, but it was still sharp.

"Okay, would some tell us what the heck's goin on and who this chick is?" Kiba seemed slightly disturbed by my little display.

I felt myself whooshed up into Kakashi's arm and he and the rest of the team got me out of the village before Kiba knew what happened.

"Mission's just started and you're already a pain." Kakashi sighed.

"Yeah, wait 'till we meet up with Sasuke." Naruto snorted.

**A/N: Sorry that this chapter sucks! The next one will rock, promise, 'cause let's just say, Naruto really always says the wrong thing! *coughecspeciallyaroundSas-gaycough* Hey, who said that?**

**Kakuzu: I will pay you to shut up! **_**I**_** will **_**pay **_**you!**

**A/N: ... HOLY SHIZNITS ON CRACK! KAKUZU JUST OFFERED ME MONEY!**

**Hidan: NO *$^! HE DID?**

**A/N: YEAH!**

**Kakuzu: **_**SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!**_

**A/N: MEEP!**

**Hidan: $&( NO YOU MISERLY #$($% PIECE OF %#u&( IN A %#&y( WITH-*swoosh* YOU %&#() YOU CUT MY HEAD OFF! THAT #%!&( HURT!**

**Kakuzu: *mockingly* I though you were supposed to enjoy pain?**

**A/N: Ohhhhhhhh! Burn on Hidan!**

**Hidan: **_**SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!**_

**A/N: Hmm... Deja vu.**


	10. Dont Threaten The Book

**A/N: Before I begin this chapter, I would like to give thanks to WraithReaper for commenting on both my stories, and giving me some good ideas! Thank you! Also- hey, what are you-**

**Kisame: *grins evilly***

**A/N: MPHH! MPFF HPTFF!**

**Kisame: HAHA! I USED YOUR OWN DUCKTAPE AGAINST YOU!**

**Jade: Now that, is just wrong...**

**Kisame: She ripped out all of your hair...**

**Jade: BURN! KILL THE AUTHOR!**

**A/N: GRRRRRR! IMPH FTHP IFT APFTFF TFF!**

**Jade: What the heck was that?**

**Kisame: I think she growled and said, 'I'll do it again too!'**

**Jade: Ohhhh... *runs away***

**A/N: GRRRRR! *gives chase***

"You're kinda heavy, you know that?" I grimaced and whapped Kakashi lightly on the back.

"Careful, I can do horirble things Kakashi! Horrible things..." I lowered my voice creepily at the end.

"If that is your attempt at threatening, you are pathetic at it." Kakashi's voice was blunt, spurring me to make a stupid move.

"That wasn't my attempt at a threat, but this is. If you don't be nice to me I'll wish for your book to catch on fire!" I grinned, knowing that his book was his weak spot.

Abruptly Kakshi froze, his leaping through the trees with me on his back completely paused.

"What the heck Kakashi-sensei? We're in a hurry!" Naruto yelled, leaping around us once, barely managing to stop on the next tree branch.

Kakashi slowly pulled me around to face him, his movements stiff. I flinched at the look on his face. He was radiating a pure death aura.

Kakashi leaned forward so that our faces were only a mere inch apart.

"Jade, _never_ threaten my book. _Ever._" I flinched again, Kakashi's voice promised the worst of torture if I didn't comply.

I nodded pathetically, and instantly Kakashi's demeanor brightened, his visable eye crinkling in joy.

"Okay then, let's go~" I sweatdropped slightly, was he really like that?

The team continued jumping through the trees for another moment, before they all stopped at the exact same moment.

"I sense Sasuke." Sakura's words were cold, but I could feel the underlying fear and uncertainty, along with a good deal of excitement.

"He's not moving. He's... waiting for us." Kakashi's words were just as stiff as Sakura's.

There was silence for a moment, and I could tell that everyone was preparing to face him.

"Well! What are we waiting for!" Naruto spoke up in his characteristic forwardness, before leaping off through the trees.

"Naruto!" Kakashi called out warningly, but Naruto was already far ahead.

I seemed to be forgotton as everyone suddenly surged forward, moving as fast as they could.

I gulped slightly to myselft. After all, I wasn't exactly excited to meet the revenge obsessed Uchiha.

Just as we cought up to Naruto, a small clearing came into view. It was just grass, no flowers or plants of any sort in it. I couldn't help but feel as if this was all set up, ecspecialy since Sasuke was just standing there, right on the opposite side of the clearing from the team and myself.

Sasuke's eyes slowly slid over everyone, taking in their features, before resting on me, a new face.

"Who's that Kakashi? Did you finally get a real girlfriend to toy with, instead of those little novels of yours?" Sasuke's voice was deviod of any and all emotion, and I couldn't help myself, really I couldn't.

In case you haven't noticed, I have a horrible, horrible temper. The littlest things set me off, and once I was started, I wasn't done until I was done. So when Sasuke spoke up, I could help but bristle and strike back.

"Hey! Shut your mouth Sas-gay! At least I'm not some emo, gay freak bent on killing his older brother! Ecspecially since you don't even know the real reason he killed your clan! And what the heck's with going to _Orochimaru_ for help? _OROCHIMARU! _He wants your freaken body! That's just wrong! I mean, I know that you killed him, but oh my freaken garsh! It's just sick!" I glared, huffing since I hadn't taken one breath that whole rant, no joke.

Sasuke, on the other hand, seemed to have had his expression twisted and bent, his eyes darkening completely.

"How do you know those things? What do you know about my brother?" Sasuke was hissing, and suddenly I regretted saying anything.

"Sasuke! Don't blame her! She's from another dimension, and she knows everything about everyone! You can't harm her, we have to get her home!" Naruto spoke up, with the completely wrong words.

"Naruto, you idiot! You shouldn't have said that! None of the things you said even fit together!" Sakura was spitting mad, and Sasuke had gotton a contemplative expression.

"Everything, eh? She might be useful." Suddenly Sasuke was gone, dissapeared.

I felt Kakashi tense and watched as he shouted something, but I was to busy focusing on the fact that I was suddenly in Sasuke's arms and moving away at an extremely fast pace to catch the words.

The arms that were wrapped around my middle suddenly tightened, and I felt words hissed next to my ear.

"You'll tell me everything you know." I shuddered, it was like Akatsuki all over again.

Then there was a light pressure on my neck, and it all went dark.

**Deidara: Do I have to do this?**

**A/N: Yes. In case you're all wondering, I have decided that I will ask each of the Akatsuki's opinion on my story at the end of the chapter~ First goes Deidara. So, er, *looks at cue-cards* Deidara! What do you think of the story so far?**

**Deidara: I don't know. I guess it's okay. I just want more screen-time!**

**A/N: Don't worry, Jade will end up back with the Akatsuki soon enough~ Anyways, what did you think of this chapter specifically?**

**Deidara: Okay, this is officially stupid! I'm out!**

**A/N: Wait! No, come back!**

**Deidara: *leaves room***

**A/N: Dang, well that's one idea down the drain... I mean, goodbye everyone!**


	11. Greasebuckets With Mullets

**A/N: *reading brand new book***

**Kisame: Hey, what's up?**

**A/N: Mhm. Yeah, sure. *paying no attention***

**Kisame: Are you ignoring me? *ticked***

**A/N: Mhm. Yeah, sure. *paying no attention***

**Kisame: *suddenly thoughtful* Can I go into your secret store of money and spend it on fish magazines?**

**A/N: Mhm. Yeah, sure. *paying no attention***

**Kisame: Thanks! *walks away***

**A/N: *silent a few more moments before suddenly looking up* Wait... *recalling conversation* Wait, no... Wait, Kisame! Don't you dare! *runs off***

So here I was. Laughing my butt off on the ground and soaking wet while an extremely-mad Karin looms over me.

Let's have a recap here.

So it all started when Sas-gay landed in-front of his little group of... well... Groupies!

_I was jostled out of Sasuke's arms as he landed infront of the rest of Team Hebi. I looked up to come face-to-face with a giant, literally... well, kind-of..._

_"Holy shiznits! It's Juugo! There's something I've always wanted to ask you!" Well, Sasuke already knew I knew basically everything about people here... Well, anyone that matters anyways, so I might as well flaunt it._

_Juugo just blinked, so I continued._

_"I see you looking at Sasuke's hair sometimes, so I figure that you notice the same thing I do! 'Cause his hair used to look like a chicken butt back when he was a genin, but now it looks flatter! I was thinking one day that this made him look more like a run-over chicken head! So I came up with the name I call him, Roadkill! Do you think that too? Huh, do 'ya!" I heard laughter from a certain silver-haired ninja... Yeah, Suigetsu, in-case you're too stupid to realize this._

_I was going to continue to rant about Sas-gay's roadkill... ness... thing... stuff... but I was interrupted by a very angry redhead._

_"How dare you insult _my _Sasuke-kun!I'm going to kill you!" Geez, fangirls are so annoying._

_"Whatever Karin! I don't know why you care anyways, it's not like Sasuke's interested... Infact, it's probably because of that huge zit on your forehead." I grinned again loving the way Suigetsu's laughter boomed, even as Karin raised her fist and her face turned red._

_It was so worth it!_

_But her punch was instead met by the silver headed one himself (no, not Kakashi!), causing water to splatter all over me as his head turned into some._

_I grinned as his head appeared back on, his face mimicking my sly/gleeful expression._

_"C'mon Karin! This one's funny!" Suigetsu spoke up, his face filled with huge-ashcake grin... Yes, I just said ashcake, I don't cuss!_

_"You know Karin, I could help you win The Roadkill's affection." I spoke very matter-of-fact, my voice totally serious._

_"Really?" Karin now held some interest in me, moving forward as she shoved Suigetsu aside._

_"Yeah, I could totally help you get rid of that wierd mullet hair style, and maybe even cover up all those nasty blackheads around you nose, chin, jaw, forehead... Well, pretty much everywhere!I could also give you some tips on how to get rid of that stocky frame!" I couldn't help but burst into laughter, because almost as soon as I said that, Karin looked down and pinched some of her belly fat, looking slightly taken down a notch._

_Then came the rolling on the ground as Suigetsu spoke up._

_"Wait, I didn't know you could even get rid of those greasebuckets called blackheads when they got to that size!" I held my stomach, the slowly growing expression of fury on Karin's face was too much!_

_I've always wanted to insult Karin!_

"Karin, you can't kill her yet. She has information." I was still chuckling slightly as Sasuke spoke up, but the 'yet' kinda killed my buzz... Sas-gay is such a buzz killer.

"Haha~ Yeah Karin, you can't kill me!" I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Maybe, but Sasuke never said anything about torture." As the expression on her face slowly grew scarier, I chose to make the wise move and hide behind Suigetsu.

"Psst!" I fake whispered in Suigetsu's ear, even though I knew very well everyone could hear me.

"What?" Suigetsu fake whispered right back, encouraging me further.

"Is she always this cranky when PMSing? 'Cause I just get lazier!" I grinner as Suigetsu once again laughed and Karin's face turned a shade of red that would make the Devil jealous!

"Karin, calm. Girl, quiet." Sasuke's voice was apathetic, but at the same time held a threat.

"You know I have a name!" I really can't help but riled by this guy, his attitude just screams 'I'm a buttmuch, tell me off!'

"No, I don't know. It was never mentioned. Besides, why would I care? You are a mere tool to get information on my brother. Nothing about you concerns me other than the fact you will bring me one step closer to my ultimate goal." Okay, that's it.

I H. A. T. E. it when someone says that they dont' want to know my name when I will be directly interacting with them in the future. I don't know why, but it's like, I have little buttons inside my head, some make me happy, some have big bold letters above them proclaiming '**DO NOT TOUCH!**' Well, this particular button would say, '**DO NOT EVEN STEP NEAR FOR RISK OF MAIMING AT THE BEST AND A FIERY PAINFUL DEATH AT WORST!**' Yeah, and Sasuke just pushed that button.

"_WhAt DiD yOu JuSt SaY tO mE?" _Even Karin took it down a notch at the tone of my voice, her face no longer angry.

"I said your name doesn't matter to me."

**A/N: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Sasuke just pushed Jade's 'DO NOT EVEN STEP NEAR FOR RISK OF MAIMING AT THE BEST AND A FIERY PAINFUL DEATH AT WORST!' He's so in trouble!**

**Kisame: I really don't get it!**

**A/N: What?**

**Kisame: You have like a huge vocabulary, you get straight good grades, you know really boring but smart facts no one else knows, and yet, you're so childish and dumb!**

**A/N: I honestly don't know. It's like I have a split personality or an alter-ego or something, and I have to sides of the brain which function seperately. But I am pretty smart, huh? ... *thinking* Wait, did you just call me dumb?**

**Kisame: My point proven.**


	12. Unfortunate Events

**A/N: Hey guys. I'm so sorry, but I unfortunately will not be updating this weekend or next weekend. I am sorry, but my really close friend just died, and his funeral is next weekend, and right now I'm just really upset, so I'm gonna wait 'till after next weekend. Thanks for your patience.**


	13. Cornmaze of Doom!

**Hidan: #$& it! I don't want to do this! *muttering* Hey, I know the author said she wasn't gonna update, but she did, just for Halloween. She's not here because she and Deidara got in a dramatic and #($*( annoying fight in her other autor notes.**

**Deidara: It wasn't my fault!**

**Kakuzu: Yes it was. You yelled at her that you didn't like her and then told her you were just using her for your own pleasure.**

**Deidara: #($ it! Thanks Kakuzu! The readers are gonna eat me alive!**

**Itachi: You deserve it.**

**Kisame: Yeah you $#%^!*.**

**Deidara: *sees readers face* MEEP!**

**Hidan: Just a reminder that this chapter has nothing to do witht he storyline. Anyways, the Halloween special for Language Barrier goes to Deidara. *muttering* But I don't get why after what the #$%!&* did. If you want to read a Halloween chapter on me, go to the Twin Flames story!**

Seriously?

I didn't even know they had corn mazes in the Narutoverse! Heck, I didn't even know that they dressed up for Halloween!

Halloween has to be my favorite holiday. I mean, I know its when the scares and spooks happen, but it's just so much fun to get a little scared on this night! Not to mention all the free candy, that's very important too.

"C'mon Jade! Hurry or the line will get huge!" Ah, there goes Naruto, dressed up as the Hokage. So original, right?

"Jade, you look so cute in your witch costume~" I smiled at Sakura in her ghost costume. (Note the fact that it was not a sheet with holes for eyes, that was Konohamaru!)

"You look great too."

"Hurry up you two! The lines gonna get longer if you take forever!" I grinned and darted forward after Naruto, nearly smacking into him as he stopped at the end of the line to the cornmaze.

You see, here things are a little different.

The corn maze is huge, for one. Like, really huge! Then, you have to go in individually, no groups. Then, when the person who last went in gets out, you go. So there's only one person in the maze at any given time.

Confusing, right?

I walked forward as Naruto stepped up to go through. That means I'm next!

"Good luck Naruto!" I grinned at his retreating back.

I tried to wait patiently, but really, I couldn't! I mean, cornmazes are the best part of Halloween, with haunted houses in a close second. It's like, just so surreal to walk with the tall stalks surrounding you and the darkness and limited sight. I don't know why, but it just is the best feeling ever.

When Naruto walked out of the exit, I didn't even wait to let him see me, I just stepped forward into the maze.

As soon as I had taken the few first forks and turns in the small path and was deep into the corn did I lt the sensation of being alone on this night in a huge maze wash over me. It felt awesome, it was like a little thrill, even though there was no real danger in Konoha.

You know, excluding all of the deadly ninja.

I saw my own breath puff out in front of me and grinned once more, if I had been back home my 'sis would've been bugging me to but on a jacket over my knee length black dress with a spider pattern. This happened to go perfect with my fiery red hair and black witch hat with cobwebs hanging down.

I looked awesome.

Hey, I never claimed to be modest!

I was jerked out of my thoughts by a strange noise. It was almost a _whoosh_, but not quite. I saw a bright flash of purple lights to my left and turned only to realize that I couldn't see throught the wall of corn.

Abandoning the path, I made my way past the stiff stalks and came to a clearing. It was completely void of corn, but in the center was a large black cauldron, and directly above it was Deidara.

He looked up upon my entrance, and gave his signature grin.

"So my little witch finally arrives to greet her warlock." He made a motion with his hands and said some odd words in another language and I suddenly I was pulled forward by some strange force, and let me tell ya, it sure as heck wasn't chakra strings, if the purple mist that had done it was any indication.

Suddenly I was right against him, staring straight into his blue eyes... Er, eye.

Then his mouth was on mine. I gasped and he took the entry swiftly, taking over my mouth with brute force. I felt myself give up as his tongue claimed every area that could be touched, and I felt sparks shooting up my spine. His palms that were resting on my neck were giving soft pressure, which I just realized were small kisses.

Then suddenly he withrew, biting down on my lower lip harshly enough to draw blood. I whimpered and he smirked. He shoved me over the cauldron, watching with satisfaction as the blood slowly dripped down into it.

The previously murky brown looking liquid suddenly turned a bright glowing blue and he grabbed a small ladle I just noticed was hanging against the side of the large pot.

Deidara roughly scoped some of the mixture up and shoved it against my lips, but I wrinkled my nose at it, even though I was still slightly dazed. I mean, he just put my friggin blood it that gunk!

Deidara wouldn' t take no for an answer though, for in the next instant the whole spoon was shoved halfway down my throat. So pleasant.

I felt darkness creeping in, and I barely managed to slur out some last words.

"Wha was tha?" I just had enough time to catch his smug reply.

"Just something to assure that my little witch would stay forever."

Then it was dark.

**Sakura: *chucking popcorn at screen* What happens after that?**

**Kakashi: Guess we just have to wait 'till next Halloween.**

**Naruto: BOO!**

**Sakura and Kakashi: AHHH!**

**Sakura: **_**NARUTO!**_

**Naruto: AHHH!**

**Kakashi: Well then... Later!**


	14. Breaking Branch

**A/N: I want a cookie.**

**Kisame: DEAR LORD FOR THE LAST TIME I DON'T HAVE A COOKIE!**

**A/N: Then go get me a cookie!**

**Kisame: NO! You've been going on like this for the past three hours...**

**A/N: I WANT A COOKIE!**

**Kisame: I DON'T HAVE A COOKIE!**

**A/N: THEN GO GET ME ONE!**

**Kisame: NO!**

I felt my face fall into absolute death glare and a black aura begin to stream out of my pores.

"_ArE yOu SuRe YoU dOn'T wAnT tO kNoW mY NaMe?"_ Sasuke merely stood there, unaffected even as Suigetsu, Karin, and Juugo wisely left the area.

"I'm sure." That did it.

"_I WISH SASUKE WAS TIED WITHOUT HIS SHIRT ON TO A TREE BRANCH HANGING OVER A CLIFF WITH HUNDREDS OF RAVENOUS SASUKE FANGIRLS BELOW HIM AND THAT THE BRANCH WAS SLOWLY SNAPPING AND THAT I AND TEAM HEBI WERE THERE TO WATCH, EXCEPT FOR KARIN, SHE'S WITH THE FANGIRLS, AND THAT SASUKE WAS OUT OF CHAKRA, LEAVING NO ESCAPE!" _Sasuke's eye's barely had time to widen before the whole scene around us suddenly shifted to exactly what I said.

I grinned as his emotionless mask slipped into panic as he saw the sheer mass of Sasuke fangirls below him.

Suigetsu was roaring with laughter at the look on Sasuke's face, and I fell in with him before letting my chuckle fade out.

"Ah, my work here is done." Suigetsu's laughter abruptly stopped.

"Are you leaving now? You know you could stay, we could pull some awesome pranks together." I smiled, but shook my head.

"Naw, I got places to see. I think my next stop will be Suna..." Yeah, to meet one of my personal favorite Naruto characters, the Kazekage Gaara!

"Oh, well feel free to come back and put Sasuke in his place anytime." Suigetsu gave a sharptoothed grin before a loud _snap _was heard.

I burst out laughing again as Sasuke screamed like a little girl and the fangirls hurredly moved to him, squealing and cooing.

"I wish I was in Suna, in the Kazekage's office!" Hey, I figure there is no chance of me not changing the storyline at this point, so why not.

I felt the instant heat, and the scene blurred once more, leaving me standing behind Team Kakashi.

"So you see Gaara, you've got to help us find her!" Naruto was just finishing some sort of rant, and I had the strong feeling I knew who this 'her' was.

"Ahem." I gave a small fake cough, drawing everyone's attention to me.

Naruto enveloped me in a huge hug instantly, grinning form ear to ear.

"Jade! You're back!" I laughed slightly, but was slowly being crushed by the force of his hug.

"Can't... Breath..." Naruto nstantly dropped me, and I stumbled forward into a certain Kakekage's desk.

I found myself staring up into intense aquamarine eyes. Gaara.

When he spoke his voice was raspy.

"Naruto. It appears you no longer need my help." Gaara was just like in the show, serious.

"Yeah. Let's go Jade! It's a long way back to Leaf." Sakura spoke up, looking completely ready to leave.

"Actually, I think I might stay here for awhile. Sasuke would look straight to Leaf to get me back and find out where Itachi is, and I don't wnt to see him again after what I did to him, and Akatsuki would expect me to be there too, it's not a logical location for me at this point." Yeah, I can be logical.

"Well, you have to ask the Kazekage." Kakshi spoke up over Naruto's instant whining.

I looked back at the Kazekage's eyes, meeting his slight nod of approval.

"She may stay. We all have an agenda against the Akatsuki, and if what you have told me of this girl is true, then it would not be profitable for anyone if they got ahold of her." Dang he's starting to creep me out slightly with the intense looks and dead voice!

"AWWWW! But we just got her back!" I grinned again at Naruto.

"AWWWW! I'll see you again!" I grinned at his pout.

"Jade. You can wish for basically anything right?" I tilted my head to the side at yamato's question, but nodded.

"Then wish us home. It's a waste of time to walk through the desert." I ginned now in understanding.

"Okay! Bye everyone!" After my goodbye hugs were forcibly shoved onto everyone, I took a deep breath.

"I wish Kakashi, Sakura, Sai, Yamato, and Naruto were back in the Leaf Village." They were gone, just like that.

"Hey Gaara, we've got- Who is this?" I looked at he recent entry through Gaara's office door.

"Omg! IT'S A KANKURO KITTY!"

**A/N: Okay I have a serious question for you viewers.**

**Kisame: You serious? Yeah right!**

**A/N: Shuddup unless you're ready to give me my cookie! Anyways, should I continue this story? I don't really feel as if it's that good or as if it's going anywhere, so please answer for me in your reviews! Bye everyone~ Now where's my cookie!**


	15. Yay!

**A/N: Okay, I have decided, thanks to all your reviews, to continue my story! Yay!**

**Kisame: Dang...**

**A/N: Shuddup. Anyways! I also have made an executive decision. I will now be updating every other weekend instead of every weekend until the holiday season is over, because I am super busy. Who isn't? So I'll update next weekend, sorry! But hey, you can't kill me right? 'Cause then I wouldn't update at all! Haha... ha... Right?**


	16. Homeward Bound!

**A/N: AUTHORESS SPEAKS! Sorry, lol! I just read this fic that says, KAZ SPEAKS! at every author note, so I had to do that! XD**

**Itachi: *odd noise***

**A/N: :O was that a chuckle! Did **_**the Itachi Uchiha **_**just **_**chuckle?**_

**Itachi: Hn.**

**A/N: Hmm. Very supicious...**

**Kisame: Itachi doesn't chuckle.**

**A/N: Suuuuuuuuuuuureeeeeee he doesn't Kisame, suuuuuuureeeee...**

"Oh my garshness! A Kankuro Kitty!" I glomped Kankuro, completely surprising him.

"Wha- Who the?" I giggled and fingered his little kitty hoodie.

"You realize that you just got jumped by a civilian? Some ninja you are. And what's up with wearing Temari's purple lipstick on your face?" Wow, I didn't know faces got that red...

Gaara sighed, and I felt sand pulling me away from the rare feline species of Kankuro.

"Kankuro. This is Jade. She will be beneficial to our village in the future. She may seem immature, and she is from what I have seen so far, but she has powerful knowledge..." Gaara gazed at me again, and I pouted.

"Are you sure? She looks like some half-wit to me. Although she does already know my name..." Kankuro scratched his head, looking confuzzled... Yes, I just said confuzzled.

"Yep. I know pretty much everything about you. And- hey! Wait a minute! did you just call me a half-wit!" I glared, and he smirked.

"So what if I did? What can you, a civilian, do about it? Besides, it's true anyways. You're not exactly filled with common sense from what I've seen." His mocking tone ticked me off even more.

This was a big mistake. For you see I am female, and we females have a secret weapon. It is called the power of PMS anger, which, let me tell you, is a very scary thing indeed. when this is put into motion us females ruthlessly insult your clothes, style, looks, body shape, and worst of all, we dig down to your deepest pain and shames and drag them out into the open.

"Look who's talking! You live in the desert, and you wear full black. Not exactly a smart move. Not to mention the fact it makes you look like a marshmellow. You do realize that excess weight is unattractive? I mean, I'm sure if you worked out a little more you could get rid of some of that chunk, and as a bonus maybe even become a real ninja and stop having to rely on those glorified logs that you call puppets. And what _is_ up with those puppets? You do realize that that card has been played and owned by Sasori of the Red Sand? If you switched tactics you might even get to stop living in your little brother's shadow. I mean, doesn't that bother you? Your own brother, younger even, is higher up than you, and is a better ninja to top it all off. He's _Kazekage!_ What are you? A marshmellowy chunk who tries to be content with being second best?" Yeah, I'm mean, I know this. He just struck a chord.

I mean, I know I'm not smart. I've been called a dummy my whole life because I can't think as fast as other and can't read like others. I'm slow, and even if I tried, I was always left in the dust throughout elementary, middle, and highschool. Why do you think I work as a waitress? I never wanted to do that, but I couldn't get into a college because I'm not exactly rich and I'm not smart enough to get a scholarship.

Kankuro went red in the face and was obviously about to cuss me out or something else just as dramatic when Gaara very suddenly dissapered in a swirl of sand.

I had my suspicions, but I had to see for myself. Deidara had arrived.

The resulting battle was monstrous. Explosions and chaos unimaginable. Seeing it on T.V. did this battle no justice. It was a crazy whirlwind of fire and sand so monstrous that I felt fear coiling within me. It was horrible. There was blood dripping from the sky like rain and booms so loud that I automatically covered my ears.

I tried to keep my eyes on the figures in the sky, but I was repulsed by the violence. I had never been one for violence. It horrified me, I couldn't help but panc when it came my way. I never wanted people hurt, ever.

When Deidara's arm came off my stomach lurched and I very nearly threw up. And the people dowen here weren't helping. They were more freaked out than I was.

I heard a scream. It pounded over and over in my head like heart.

Some of Gaara's blood dripped onto my face, and I felt something in me snap, a primal boundary between calm and panic.

I heard another scream, this time louder and longer.

A scream.

Again.

Again!

AGAIN!

_AGAIN!_

_**AGAIN!**_

I felt my own scream join the wails of many in my head, and I felt the panic surging though me, I was lost. The desperate need to be anywhere but here overtook my senses, and I felt bile rise up in my throat.

Out of here, anywhere but here.

Away from this panic, this fear.

Somewhere safe, anywhere!

"I wish that I was home!"

**A/N: Haha, I realize that I'm dead for not updating, and I just want ot explain myself. I was so busy these past weekends. I'm sorry, and you guys must know how Thanksgiving is, busy, busy, busy! And... OH, WHO AM I KIDDING! I'M SO SORRY I'M A HORRIBLE AND LAZY AUTHORESS, PLEASE FORGIVE ME! *bursts into sobs***

**Kisame: Heh. Maybe this time they'll actually kill her! *grins***

**A/N: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!**

**Deidara: Stop crying! This is ridiculous! They can't get you, you're in your mind!**

**A/N: Don't doubt the power of the readers Deidara! You know what, to make it up to you, I'm gonna list all of my reviewers and give a big thanks! If I miss you, review me angrily! So a big thanks to:**

**WraithReaper (I just love your reviews, just for the record, WraithReaper), ginny7777, Avidreader215, DarkSacredJewelXoX, Secretly Evil D, demonkira, MegassaTheBomber, Annemaylover, Sasunarufan101, Rena, .Princess (lol, me and her got into a large discussion over our randomness!), icrazy3477 (see, the cheezits did not to waste!), FuzzyShadowFoxx, YPrincess, xxyangxx2006, Chocolate Pockey-chan (and don't worry, I swear not to test you again... Don't hurt me!), Aurora1495, .is. (thanks for ther cookie! Also for all the reviews! You review, like, alot, lol!), narutofanhinatafan, Kakashi Forever (sorry that you didn't get your pizza, lol! Apparently only Jade can make the wishes!), Rima-chan ( and yeah, I couldn't believe Jade didn't wish to understand them straightaway either!), XSweetXSourXSoulX, Kudomeya, yapook, Sabaku No Ko-chan, I love deidara and hidan, Mitzzi, icyprincess1, I love creepy things, CaitlinXcowz, rechanxramenxlover, Storm the Albatross, XxXMiiDNiGhTXxX, Jojororo, Storm Uchiha, nerdsof2010rank, jestie kiryuu, Patricia I, kouriel, Pickles-sensei (and I wouldn't worry, the novelty is coming back, very, very soon... Let's just say, when Jades next wish comes true, the story is going to live up to it's name! Hint-hint!), gaarasluva, Rain-19, SasuTenLuvr (and lol, you can so have his pants~), immortal-lover14, Brookie The Wookie, Kudomeya, Mmyself29, HayaUchiha (you'll see... Next Halloween! Mwahahahaha-coughcough... Dang... If you read my other story, you would know why these coughs upset me...), Yuuki-sama-13, theblackchaos737, xLazyXChibix (the way you spelled awsum is awsum!), MidnightDrizzle, CatDevilAsian, Yuti-Chan, orochimaruninjafan, I wuzzzz this story, Alice in ZombiiLand, Amehhhh, Kebechet-chan ( I****love suigetsu too! He's just so epic! :D), Tinkerbell (thank you for your patience!), SammPaglia, Swallow-Nii, and last but not least Casin!**

**Kisame: *whistles* Dang, I never thought that this peice of junk would be so popular!**

**A/N: I know! Even I though that this story sucked! It was just a plot bunny that tackled me in the face so I had to make it! My other story was always my personal favorite! Anyways! Thank you all so much for your patience! And for those of you who read my other story, I'm putting the next chap. of that one up tomorrow!**


	17. Frantic Hands

**A/N: That's just wrong.**

**Kisame: My eyes... I think that they just spontaneously combusted... Or at least I hope they do soon.**

**Deidara: *facial tick***

**Youtube: And that is how a cat gives birth to a litter of eight.**

**A/N: **_**Why**_** are we watching that again?**

**Kisame: I don't know.**

**Deidara: *facial tick***

**A/N: Deidara?**

**Deidara: *facial tick***

**A/N: Great! We broke him... I wonder if life gives out exchanges...**

My eyes shot open.

I really couldn't believe what I saw.

I sat up in my bed and nearly screamed in joy! I was home!

I looked around and was greeted by the sight of my plain, safe room. Calm, blue walls, my awesome canopy bed, my enourmous book collection, and last but not least, my stuffed bear, Mrs. Stuffy! Hey, I was four, I'm lucky I didn't name her Bear the bear.

I hopped out of bed and ran out to the kitchen, noticing that my clothes were my normal pajamas, and froze.

Really? _Really?_ Could life just cut me a break?

Apparently not, because in my kitchen was a gang of S-rank missing nin.

Yeah, the _Akatsuki_ was in my _kitchen!_ And most of them were giving looks that could kill... Well, except for Tobi and Itachi. Itachi was emotionless and Tobi wears a mask.

What, the heck? I wished that I was home, not that all of the Akatsuki and myself were home!

And where the heck is Konan? I haven't seen her once yet!

Suddenly I was pressed against the wall with Pein's hands constricting my throat.

"Doko ni iru nda?" Wait, what?

I didn't reverse my wish for us to speak the same language yet, so why are they speaking Japanese?

"I wish that they spoke English!" Hey, it was worth a shot!

"Supīkuappu on'nanoko! Wareware ga ima iru basho ya, oshiete kudasai kekka wa hisan sa remasu!" Pein's hands constricted tighter and I gagged slightly.

Well, that didn't work. Maybe, when I came back here my wishes were all reversed, and since I'm in the normal world now, I can't make any more! ... Well, #$%.

Pein's hands constricting brought me out of my self pity.

"Ima sugu!" Great, he seems mad, if the harsh glare and tightness was any indication.

"I'm sorry! we've been through this before! I can't speak your language!" The glare on Peins face clearly said that he didn't get the message.

Suddenly it hit me. Do any of them know sign language?

'Stop! I can't speak you're language!' I frantically signed to them, and was met with blank looks, all except for one.

"Ō〜 Tobi ga shuwa o hanasu koto ga dekiru! Mimashou Tobi ga kanojo ni hanashi o!" Tobi spoke up, clapping his hands excitedly.

"... Yokarou." Pein dropped me and stepped back, leaving me to fall to the floor clutching my now sore neck.

Tobi stepped forward excitedly, crouching down to my slumped form.

'Hello pretty girl! Leader wants to know where we are!' Dang, even his sign language was excitable.

'You're not somewhere you'd know the name of.' I grimaced, trying to think of a way to explain the situation.

"Kanojo wa, watashi-tachi wa kanojo ga katatte kureta baai demo, watashi-tachi ga doko ni aru ka rikai dekinaidarou to iimasu." Tobi turned back to Pein and translated.

"Kanojo wa nen'iri ni oshiete kudasai." Tobi nodded excitedly to Pein's response.

'Leader says to elaborate.' Tobi #!*% his head to the side, and I prepared for some serious signing.

'You aren't from here. You are from a different world. This is America. you are all just a book here, and that's how I knew about you, I read the books and watched your show. I was taken to your world somehow, and was gifted with the power of making my wishes come true, for real. Now I wished to come home, and for some reason you came too.' Tobi was completely still for a moment, and then began frantically speaking to Pein, his arms waving all about.

"Kanojo wa, kono amerika no wareware to wa kotonaru sekai kara to itte iru! Kanojo wa kanojo ga nanrakano riyū de mahō no yō ni koko dake no hondesu watashi-tachi no sekai ni isō sa reta toki ni yume o kibō shita toyuu. Kanojo wa akiraka ni wareware wa kanojo to issho ni doraggu sa reta,-ka ni kaeru koto o nozonda toki, kanojo ga suru riyū no tegakari o motte inai!" Pein leaned back and I heard a few gasps from the rest of the Akatsuki, but I wasn't paying attention, I had found my sister's note.

'Dear Sis,

I know you said you couldn't come back for awhile, but three years, really? You're lucky I married a rich dude, otherwise this apartment wouldn't be waiting for you to return. Yeah, I may be a doctor now, but I'm not rich by myself. You see, you said you'd come back, and you always keep your promises, so I keep paying for the apartment. Or am I just being silly? Am I just clinging to false hope? Either way, when, and if, you return, call me at this number,

##########.

Love your little sis,

Rae Scarlet Hannings''

Three Years?

**A/N: *on the phone* Yeah, well same to you **_**dude!**_** *hangs up* Dang, Life's a #$%^. She refused to exchange Deidara for someone else.**

**Kisame: ... How did you get on the phone with Life?**

**A/N: I'm awesome like that, I just know things.**

**Kakuzu: Then please enlighten us with your wiseness, oh Wise One!**

**A/N: I think I will! Here a little secret! No one dies a virgin, because in the end, Life #$%! us all.**

**Zetsu: ****That was beautiful.****_That was disgusting_.**


	18. Vegetarian Smackdown!

**Kisame: To the right! No, my right!**

**Deidara: Uppercut! Uppercut, *#$%^ &!**

**Pein: *facepalming* I can't believe she got into a catfight with **_**Life!**_

**A/N: *upper lip bleeding and blackeye* Exchange Deidara for someone better! Like Sebastian from Kuroshitsuji! He's one #$%^ of a butler!**

**Life: *with claw marks running down cheek and a huge patch of missing hair* No! I don't feel like it!**

**A/N: ROAR!**

**Kisame: *winces* Dang, girls fight dirty.**

**Deidara: Yeah... Uppercut!**

Okay, my current mood: :O

You have no idea how hard it is to manage nine full-grown criminals who ignore you completely. Add on to that the fact that you've been in a different dimension for three years, and yeah, bad mood.

You see, exactly how am I going to get a job when I look virtually the same as I did three years ago?

I mean, when I left I wasn't really friends with anyone, I was too busy trying to support myself and my sister, but everyone knew me. You know that one person everyone has met at least once, the one who knows everybody but doesn't really hang out with people? That is me in a nutshell. Not to mention the fact that in this town, gossip spreads fast. My sudden departure must have sparked some sort of talk, and it's a small town, so gossip lasts a long time.

So even if I didn't go after my old job, people would most likely still recognize me, and through that, realize that I look exactly the same as three years ago.

Great.

If that sparked, who's to say they wouldn't get curious and come to my house only to find nine supposed to be fake deadly criminals?

Not good.

So how in the heck am I supposed to afford food for these nine giants?

Not only that, but how does Tobi even know sign language? I mean, there's a different type for every language! Even British people have their own type!

So here I am, sitting at my small kitchen table rubbing my temples as the criminals ransack my apartment.

"Koko ni subete no shokuhin o o mochidesu ka?" I glanced up at the sound of Kisame's voice and then looked to Tobi for translation.

'Kisame-san wants to know if you have food!' I grimaced, my problem was already forming.

"Iya, niku!" Kisame roared angrily.

'He actually wants meat.' Even Tobi seemed slightly scared of Kisame at this point.

'Well Tobi, I'm a vegetarian. I don't eat meat.' Tobi translated my words shakily into Japanese, and it was all silent for one blissful moment.

Then my world erupted in chaos.

"Nani! Kanojo wa shinda joseidesu! Kanojo ga yoi ka ima no watashi ni ikutsu ka no niku o eru I' ll-" Kisame was on me in a second, teeth bared in a ferocious snarl, but something was different this time.

I got on my feet and snarled back.

I frantically began signing, Tobi barely able to keep up translating.

'Kill me, see what happens! I'm your only source of anything right now! This world is not like your world! We have dangerous weapons that kill in an instant, and if you kill me you will be eventually discovered and at the mercy of those weapons! I know all of your abilities and strengths, and I know that you couldn't beat all of us! Who knows, you may even be detained and taken in for experimenting before being sentenced to death! So if I was you, I'd shut my mouth and deal with the rules of this house!' I glared and was breathing hard, my face red with anger.

I saw instant stiffening of Pein and the others, clearly not used to being ordered by someone weaker than them, but they could see the logic. I mean, they're in a completely different world with no idea of how it works or what's here. Without me they'd be blind.

I took a deep breath.

'So now for my ground rules. One, no going where I say you can't. Two, you'll eat what I make and and not complain to me. I don't care how much you whine behind my back, but please not to my face. Three, don't touch me without my consent. Four, Tobi will be teaching you all sign language as soon as possible, so I can communicate with you directly. Understand?' I glared at them and they glowered back.

Thy slowly moved into a small discussion. As soon as it started though, Tobi and Madara moved to the side, and I knew Pein was getting Madara's opinion. I could feel the arguments going round, but eventually Pein ut them all off as he rejoined the circle.

"No wa, ima no tokoro ni sotte tsugi nomimashou. Anata wa watashi-tachi o shinrai shi ni kanojo o sōsa suru koto ga dekimasu nin'i no chansu o kudasai. Wareware wa saishū-teki ni wareware no nyūsatsu ni kanojo o shutoku shimasu." They others nodded respectfully to Pein, and then they all turned to me.

Tobi stepped forward.

'We agree to your terms. But in return we expect food and basic health needs.' I nodded as I rolled my eyes.

'You think I expected anything else? Now excuse me as I toy with the idea of finding a job so I can pay for everything.' With that I turned and strode to my room, pleased and relieved beyond belief, because let's face it, no one in this world could take Akatsuki down.

I just lucked out on the biggest bluff of my life.

**A/N: *tosses Life out of the door to my mind* And stay out! *turns to readers* Heh, heh... Hey guys! Been awhile... OKAY I'M SO SORRY! You will not believe the rough time I'm going through right now! My uncle is visiting, and it's ugly, let's just leave it at that. Anyways, I'm really very sorry!**

**Kisame: That's just your excuse to be lazy!**

**A/N: *puffs cheeks out* No it's not! Anyways, I have to leave now, I have to work on my other story, bye! Oh, and I'll post this one tonight, but Twin Flames will be posted tomorrow! Bye!**


	19. Suicidal!

**A/N: I would go through all this pain~ Take a bullet straight through my brain~ I would die for ya baby~ But you won't do the same~**

**Deidara: I never thought that I would say this, but you can actually carry a tune...**

**A/N: *smirks* There is a song that never ends, and this is how it goes: There is a song that never ends, and this is how it goes: There is a song that never ends, and this is how it goes: There is a song that never ends, and this is how it goes: There is a song that never ends, and this is how it goes: There is a song that never ends, and this is how it goes: There is a song that never ends, and this is how it goes: There is a song that never ends, and this is how it goes: There is a song that never ends, and this is how it goes: There is a song that never ends, and this is how it goes: The-**

**Deidara: DEAR LORD ENOUGH! MY EARS ARE **_**BLEEDING!**_

**A/N: Haha, loser.**

**Kisame: This author note makes no sense at all.**

**A/N: You know that the ony two states with one consonant are Iowa and Ohio!**

**Kisame: No sense...**

I adjusted my way too small Mariners baseball cap I had gotten as a kid that was covering my hair. I pulled my hoodie up further, putting my face into shadown as I retrieved fifty dollars from my shoe. Yes you heard me right, my shoe. I always have emergency money in my shoe.

I went to the hair care isle and bought what I had come to retrieve. Then I walked to the apartment housing nine deadly criminals quickly. I didn't need to worry about getting caught, it was four in the morning, the clerk at the store was hardly awake.

After stepping quietly over the criminals asleep on various furnniture in my living room, I came to my final destination.

The bathroom.

My lips trembled as I looked at the items I had assembled in the sink.

Black hair dye, a pair of scissors, and gray contacts.

I had found a way to get a job, but I didnt like it.

You see, my hair and eyes were by far my most distinguishing features. My har was bright, flaming red and fell to my waist and my eyes were a striking jade green, thus my name Jade. If I got rid of them, the rest of my similarities could most likely be ignored after three years.

But I really didn't want to. The hair, I mean. I don't care about my eye color.

Call me shallow, but I loved my hair! It was the only thing I was really vain about. I mean, I spent years growing my hair out, and I loved the color. It was just a part of me that I really don't want to lose.

But at the same time, I really have no other choice unless I want one of the Akatsuki to get a job.

Yeah, that'll happen. Never.

I gave a shaky sigh and braced myself.

"Okay, Jade! You can do this!" I clenched my fists once before reaching for the dye.

:D :) :P -.- ^.~ ^.^ . . :}:D :) :P -.- ^.~ ^.^ . . :}:D :) :P -.- ^.~ ^.^ . . :}:D :) :P -.- ^.~

I look like a goth!

And not even one of those gorgeous goth's that look like princesses of the dark! I look like a goth about to commit suicide!

The black drained all of the color out of my already pale complexion, making me look sickly, and the fact that my hair was only to my chin now made me look skinny and anorexic! The contacts only added to the washed out look! The only good thing was the fact hat my hair was still curly!

I really couldn't help it as I began to sniffle.

But then sniffles led to tears. Tears led to sobs. And then sobs led to keens.

"My hair!" I heard the door to the bathroom open and heard a gasp.

I turned to see Deidara.

His eyes widened as he took in the change in my look and then the tears.

I started to cry harder and began to sign, seeing if he could understand. Tobi had already begun teaching them sign language and they'd been doing it all night.

'I look ugly!' I began wail again.

Then I was in Deidara's arm and he began rocking me back and forth slowly murmuring comforting words in Japanese.

My eyes widened in shock. I mean, I'm in a member of the Akatsuki arms!

Deidara leaned back and looked me in the eyes.

'You look beautiful.' My eyes widened even further, if that was possible, and Deidara gave a small smile, which I haltingly returned.

Then he grabbed me by my hand and took me out to he apartments small living room.

There was silence and then...

More silence.

The others were still asleep. Dang. I'm surprised my wails didn't wake them up.

Note to self: Akatsuki=heavy sleepers.

Deidara then led me to the kitchen and sat me down at the table, pulling a chair up next to me and beggining to sign out laborously.

'You look pretty. You always have. You always will' And then he really surprised me with another hug. Was this the same Deidara who nearly killed Gaara and much of the sands population? The same Deidara who blew himself up trying to kill Sasuke?

Either way, I was feeling way better, but way tired. It was not like five in the morning.

My eyes started to get heavy so I stood up to sleep, but before I left, I did something to surprise Deidara.

I kissed him on the cheek.

**A/N: Yes, I updated fast, but I already had this chap. in mind, so I figure, why make you guys wait? Also, to explain Deidara's OOCness will require a flashback. Remember this:**

_**They slowly moved into a small discussion. As soon as it started though, Pein and Madara moved to the side, and I knew Pein was getting Madara's opinion. I could feel the arguments going round, but eventually Pein cut them all off as he rejoined the circle.**_

_**"No wa, ima no tokoro ni sotte tsugi nomimashou. Anata wa watashi-tachi o shinrai shi ni kanojo o s**__**ōsa suru koto ga dekimasu nin'i no chansu o kudasai. Wareware wa saishū-teki ni wareware no nyūsatsu ni kanojo o shutoku shimasu.**__**" They others nodded respectfully to Pein, and then they all turned to me.**_

_**Tobi stepped forward.**_

_**'We agree to your terms. But in return we expect food and basic health needs.' I nodded as I rolled my eyes.**_

**A/N: Remember that? Well, the basic thing that was said in Japanese was that they should try and gain Jade's trust so that they could then manipulate her into doing their bidding and get her to reveal the secrets of this world. So that's what Deidara was doing, manipulating!**

**Jade: You made me dye my hair...**

**A/N: Yes, it was neccesary.**

**Jade: You made me dye my hair...**

**A/N: Yessssss...**

**Jade: DIE YOU DEMON! RAWR!**

**A/N: AHHHH! RUNNIES! *runs away screaming***


	20. IHOP, The Pancake House From Heck!

**A/N: I am really sorry. No excuses. I just logged on and relized that I hadn't updated. So I apologize to my readers, if any are even left...**

**Kakuzu: That was rather mature for you...**

**A/N: ... WAAHHHH! I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO! *starts banging head onto wall as a form of punishment***

**Kakuzu: I just jinxed myself...**

"Hurry up! The customers are waiting!" My boss growled at me as I was shoved out there door, nearly dropping the dishes in my arms.

I turned with a glower on my face and a sharp remark on my tongue, but paused as my boss gave me a 'just try it' look. I gave last glower and turned, a smile on my face for the customers.

Never work at IHOP.

I mean, I have to, I need the money, and any other decent place kicked me out because of my new look.

I look like a demon. Which is suiting because IHOP is now classified as a pancake house from heck! yeah, sure, it may look nice and family oriented from the outside, but behind the scenes there is much pain...

The boss it a slave driver, there is a pile of dirty dishes taller than me, I swear something brown was _moving_ in the special, and there's always one toliet without paper...

But then again, I am in the not so good neighborhood... Is that guy is the corner dealing drugs?

My life sucks right now...

And it just got worse.

My eyes widened and then dropped as an old friend walked through the door... More like an old perverted boss... But still...

I immediately went over to serve other people, but my boss from heck steered me around.

"Go serve him! Don't be rude you skinny bi-" He was cut off my one of the bus boys dropping a plate... I pity his soul.

But unfortunately I still have to serve my old boss. Which is not good. He can sense me as soon as his pervert senses tingle, there's no way he won't recognize me...

"Hello sir, welcome to IHOP! My name is... Um... Patty! May I take your order?" I gave a totally fake smile, but really? Patty was all I could come up with... Sometimes Jade, sometimes...

"Yeah, one special, a banana smoothie (so he still loves bananas...), and your number my dear." Oh he did not just go there.

I felt a familiar feeling come over me as my eye began to twitch. I brought the pad I was using to take orders down on his head with a sharp whack!

"You pervert! I'm like twenty years younger than you! Do you know how sick and wrong you are?" I felt my face contort into something extremely scary.

"HENNINGS! FIRED!" Oops.

"Wait, only one woman has ever resisted my manly charms... Jade?" I quickly threw my hand over his mouth and pulled him out of the pancake house from heck and pulled him into a random alley!

"Shhhhhhhhhh! You idiot! I'm trying to stay unnoticed!" I glowered, but my boss- er, former boss was busy crying and laughing.

"Jade, it's you! Where have you been? I missed you, and so did Elizabeth! You have to come back to work with me! And what happened to your face? You look so goth! But still as beautiful as ever of course! Wait 'till your sister hears-" I gave him my worst glower ever and slapped a hand over his face.

"My sister is _**not **_going to know I'm here. No one is. I have my reasons for being gone, and they are no one's business. I expect to be left _**alone**_." I turned sharply, prepared to leave, but he grabbed my arm.

"Fine, at least come back to work at my restaurant! No one has to know it's you!" I sighed, but I knew that I needed the job, so I nodded.

"Fine. Now I have to go home and take care of nine homicidal- I mean, take care of my new puppies!" I sweatdropped as my boss took the lie, but left, no time to worry about my bosses mental health right now

I opened the front door, feeling a headache, which only worsened as I saw the state of my apartment, empty.

What? Where are they? Oh, shitake mushrooms, this is not good!

"Hey! Anyone here! Hello! HELLO! **IF YOU CRIMINALS VALUE YOUR LIVES AT ALL YOU WILL ALL POOF IN WITHING THE NEXT SEVEN SECONDS! SEVEN... SIX... FIVE... FOUR... THREE... TWO...**" Ah, there they are. My motherly countdown, bests all of the two years olds... Guess they can understand an angry woman's tone, even not in their language.

'You can't leave! Do you know what trouble you would cause if anyone recognized you? Listen, I have a headache, I'm tried, and I look bad. Please just come and look at this book with me!' I pulled out the book I had gotten on the way home.

'What is it?' Hidan, thankfully, had not been taught how to cuss in sign language.

'It's a book. One I promised I would never pick up again, but I think might be the only solution to our issues.' I held up the book.

It was large, black book. Made of worn leather, and thick yellowing pages, it screamed of old knowledge.

The cover was simply titled, 'Book of Shadows.'

**A/N: So… Haha, you guys must have formed an angry mob by now…. Please don't kill me? Let me explain first! Okay, so… First off, my grandpa died, suicide, so that should be a good enough excuse in itself, but there's more. So busy lately I have been. Anyways, as a repayment, check out my BFF tripplefrozen! She is soooooo funny! And she updates more often than me! If you like Naruto or Avatar the Last Airbender, then seriously, go check her out. Now. Well, after you read this chap. but then!**

**Deidara: Crap. She's back.**

**A/N: Crap. He's still here. Anyways, thank you all, who stuck around, for being awesome readers! As a gift, comment on who you want a oneshot one, whoever gets the most comments will appear in a oneshot next week along with the next chapter. Arigato! Also, I do not own IHOP!**


	21. HOLA! I'm back!

**A/N: Hahahahaha... So... You all must be ready to kill me...**

**Kisame: Please do!**

**A/N: Shut up! Anywho, I realize it has been very, very long, but I'm back! :) Sorry for the extreme delay, but I promise the next chapter will be up no later than next Wednesday! I just have to get back into the groove, ya know? **

**Deidara: Groove... It's been eight months! AT THIS RATE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO RELEARN WHAT THE GROOVE IS!**

**A/N: AT LEAST I LOOK LIKE MY PROPER GENDER!**

**Deidara: Touché... **

**A/N: Okay bye my lovely loves!**


	22. Sorry, Back for Reals

**A/N: Haha... Hi? Don't kill me! I know its been forever, and I sincerely apologize for leaving you guys for so long... So much happened, school, family, now I'm moving across the country, but enough excuses! **

**Hidan: No one cares about them anyways...**

**Kisame: I think it's a little late for that...**

**A/N: Shut it! Okay, so I'm back though! Ummm... But... There's no way I can continue this story... Don't freak! I mean I can't continue it the way it is. As many of you noted, it's been over a year. (Sorry!) My writing style has changed sooooooo much that there's no way I can pick up where I left off. So, I'm going to completely revamp and rewrite the story. Sorry if this is disappointing to you guys, but it's the only way I can continue it. Most of it will be the same, but I can't promise that all of it will. **

**Deidara: Oh Kami... Another whole story with this chick!**

**A/N: Hush! So yeah, soon the first chapter will be replaced, and then the rest will follow. But really, I'm so sorry that I left you guys... I didn't realize what amazing reviewers I had until I come back a year later and you guys were still there! Wow! I promise I'll try my best for you guys! Also, I did make a different account with stories... Bleach though, not Naruto. If you want to look, it's HarleyQuinn4242, but like I said, wayyyyyyy different writing style!**

**Deidara: Why would anyone want to?!**

**A/N: Okay, it may have been a year but I still know how to use the almighty power of duck tape!**

**Deidara: Wha-mpmhh!**

**A/N: Anyways~ Once again, sorry, love you all, and later!**


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